The School For Good And Evil

Ashia R:

Instead of a typical family movie night, Q and I watched this late at night, broken up over the course of a few days.

I was excited about the cast, the dramatic fantasy set, and the wardrobe – but this movie got kind of gross fast. So while I took brief notes about the stuff that made my eyes roll so hard it hurt, I couldn’t bear to write up a full, rambling analysis of such a… well such a lazy story.

Like – the writers are convinced they are being witty and subversive about fairy tale tropes and what it means to be Good Vs. Evil. But all they end up doing is reinforcing a whole bunch of supremacist assumptions, but just pulled in a 180-degree reversal.

Same shitty assumptions, just like “OH SURPRISE, IT’S THE BLONDE WHITE GIRL WHO IS EVIL THIS TIME!”

Which is not just gross, it’s also nothing new. The Delicate Blonde Who Turns Out To Be Evil Despite Her Pretty Femininity has been done over, and over, and over – and every time, it still feels gross and shitty.

Eventually the story wraps itself around enough times that the plot fits up its own asshole, and we end up with a Very Good Noble Black Friend and a Very Flawed But Working On It Princessy Type, a demolished set of dueling schools that probably combine into a regular high school, and a lead-in for a potential sequel with a Prince-Turned-Incel-Stalker.

But ultimately in this story there are genuinely terrible, evil people, genuinely good and wholesome people, and a bunch of weak losers who flip-flop backwards based on how swayed they are by authority and popular opinion. It feels like the author tried to write an anti-fairytale universe with an ah-HA! twist, only to double back – and like I said – crawl up it’s own asshole to reaffirm the message we were all supposed to be questioning.

It’s just so freaking lazy.

So if the makers of this movie can’t be bothered to pick a consistent set of values (or are too lazy and cowardly to denounce supremacy culture at the roots), why should I have to read paragraphs? No one is trying, and effort no longer matters any more!

With that, I give you:

My questions for the makers of this movie

(in lazy bullet form)

• I like that the white girl has a Black mom, is this to normalize representation for light-skinned Black girls who are perceived as white, like in the fantastic Mitchell vs. The Machines, or is it gonna turn into some kind of transracial adoption sob story?
• I notice that this white girl with a Black mom is played by Sophia Anne Caruso, who was presumably cast because she literally looks like a classic white disney princess. Please explain why you chose the whitest of white girls to portray a light skinned Black girl?
• The Black-mom / white daughter situation was never brought up again or addressed throughout the movie. What the fuck happened with that?
• Since this is CLEARLY just a white actress playing a white character, I’m going to refer to her as white moving forward. Does my mention of her whiteness make you uncomfortable?
• After looking this movie up, I found out it’s based on a series of books by Soman Chainani, an Asian American dude author, about two white teen girls. Soman – could you please explain what compelled you to appropraite the identies and perspectives of two white teen girls? Is this like a reverse-Scarlett Johansson situation?

On to the plot:

• At the start of the movie, Blonde Princessy Type abandons her Supportive Black Friend at her very first chance – who literally relies on Blondie’s allyship for survival. Is this a social commentary on the fragility of white allyship?
• I see that the ‘Good’ school separates kids into binary gender roles and is super into purity and hating the ‘bad’ side. But it’s not like anyone else on the ‘Bad’ side is offering any alternatives other than ‘BE ASSHOLES.” So if the ‘good’ side is clearly coding for White Nationalist Christian American culture – what exactly are you trying to say about the folks they oppose?
• You’ve decided to go with copious ‘Evil Crip’ characters, including an Unnecessary Evil Stepmother with Alopecia, a ‘cyclops’ person with a facial difference, and again, another Evil Student with Alopecia. Could you please explain why this nonsense is never resolved in the movie?
• Ahhh – I also see you have a Good Girl In Wheelchair With No Lines or Agency. As one of the more ‘pitiful’ folks with disabilities tokenized into a safely powerless role, this seems more like you’re into the whole good/bad binary. Why?
• This movie gives ‘Not Like The Other Girls’ in like ten different ways, 110% of the time. My question is – What is wrong with you?
• We have a boring prince which every girl crushes on, but he never does anything remotely interesting, endearing, or sexy. Why is your bar set so low for men?
• The prince tells our Good Black Friend she’s not like the other girls. If she’s as smart as this story tells us, why does she not rage-vomit directly into his face?
• Pretty Blonde predictably goes Greaser-Sandy when she doesn’t get what she wants, complete with edgy pleather outfit and sassy new makeup look. Are you not aware that Grease already came out in 1978 and it was misogynist and gross even 40 years ago?
• To show the audience how ‘evil’ blondie gets, she starts to grow a longer nose and warts. Again – what the actual fuck is wrong with you?
• Did anyone with critical thinking skills bother to read the screenplay before it hit production?
• Why did Theron, Washington, and Yeoh agree to do this movie? Were they allowed to read the script first?
• Did you guys have anything original, or witty, interesting to say with this movie? If so – why was that scene cut?
• What do I need to do to prevent Netflix from calling in a sequel to this movie?