Over the past 12 months, I’ve been making slow and steady additions to our Luminary Braintrust Resource Library.

I want to fill it with ALL THE THINGS YOU MIGHT EVER NEED! Immediately! So you can cut through the bullshit and the busywork and relax with your kids!

Alas, I did not fill it with ALLL THE THINGS. The end of the lunar year approaches – and it’s time for my family to prep for the Dragon new year.

In keeping with the theme of resting and winter incubation, I’m just going to embrace the fact that even though I can embrace my extra-ness, I did not succeed in doing all the things this year.

And that’s okay! A few weeks ago in the Winter Incubator, we talked about resisting hustle culture and not working just so we could be seen working.

I’m still verymuch complicit – publishing at least one new thing every week, plus updates, etc. – not because you’ve asked for it, but just to comfort myself. To prove to that I’m doing the most. Still relevant! Hip and helpful!

Even though I know you can’t possibly use all this stuff at the pace I create it. I’m just so afraid of that if I stop – I’ll be rejected and cast aside.

I mean – surely– if I am helpful enough, someone will see my value, right? I will prove my work is worth paying for. I will *produce* my way into safety, belonging, and a minimum wage!

But we all know that’s bullshit. That’s internalized capitalism and ableism talking. That’s the construct of the Patient & Helpful Asian Sidekick. My inability to shake off a deep-rooted devaluation of care work, education, and the expectation of free labor from feminine and disabled people.

It’s not my fault these constructs exist – but unfortunately, it’s my responsibility to deal with it and light a better path for the next generation of disabled Asian femmes and women.

It’s my responsibility as a future-elder to resist the guilt of not doing the most. To embrace my right to take up space on Earth despite my lack of value in a market. To stop trying to prove my worth to the community by always producing, helping – and being seen doing it.

Time to take a deep breath, and embrace the courageous work we do in the Winter Incubator.

I’m gonna set aside a week to prepare, retreat, recover, and rest. And then take the first weeks of the Spring Festival to assess, decide, demolish, and restructure.

‘Cause obviously, you can live without two more toolkits or letter templates or workshops or rainy day activities or what-have-you. In fact, I’m positive you probably need a break from me.

Since I need this week to prep for the holiday and be here for my kiddos, I’m going to take a break from LBT weekly updates until the end of Spring Festival…. no wait I have big plans. Okay, until mid-way through Spring Festival.

And it’s fine! Because we’ll figure this out as we go! What’s most important is that we show up for each other at whatever capacity we can manage, in whatever way keeps us sustainably engaged.

Remember – there is no falling behind here. Regardless of where you are as a parent and advocate – we like your whole messy self.

That includes you when you’re in desperate need of a deep nap and a long break. In which case – we’ll see you after hibernation in Spring! Or Summer! Or next year! Whenever works for you!