Tag:

Gender Spectrum

Updated 2022 Supporting Trans Family With Rachel’s Christmas Boat

by Ashia December 1, 2017

written by Ashia

Sharing this post on social media? Use this description to make it accessible: [Image description: Illustration from ‘Rachel’s Christmas Boat,’ by Sophie Labelle. A young girl and her parent hug.]

2022 Update: Content warning for sexualization and grooming of children

Ugh, defensive, fragile, ignorant responses to reports of harm is why we can’t have nice things. Members of the Raising Luminaries community brought some recent events to my attention regarding Labelle’s portrayal of children in her material for adults. A quick breakdown on how we deal with things like this.

As nice as it would be to do the easy thing and delete this post, we don’t delete posts about books by authors who do problematic things. This hides important info from our members and ends the conversation, and it’s lazy and cowardly. So this post is gonna stay up, with the updates here so you can make an informed decision on what conversations to have as a family.
Sophie Labelle has admitted to, and then tried to defend, sexualizing children in her adult-only content. We don’t have to jump to conclusions about Labelle, or give more fodder to transphobes – so don’t pull that shit here. This is one lady’s behavior we’re talking about.
Labelle has a long history of being harassed and targeted by ableist transphobes. Talking about what she’s doing recently is not an endorsement of these attacks on her identity, her decision to talk openly about gender education with kids (I agree with this!) This update based on Labelle’s recent actions and her response to people who have drawn her attention to the harm she’s doing.
While Labelle’s children’s books do not sexualize children, her problematic content is viewable for the kids who regularly follow her work, and there is a risk that recommending her books in Raising Luminaries will lead to families and children following her adult work.
In the Raising Luminaries community, we’re dedicated to ending violence and harm against multiply-targeted people, and centering their voices. In this circumstance, we’re centering the requests and calls to action of transgender survivors of childhood sexual violence and grooming.

With Labelle’s most recent responses justifying her behavior, we can no longer recommend her children’s books. We don’t do ‘cancelling’ or punishment culture here, so here’s what a restorative process would look like if we’re to stay in community with Labelle. We suggest Labelle participates in a community accountability process to:

Listen to survivors to learn about, acknowledge, and openly address the way her artwork sexualizing children normalizes and condones violence against children without excusing her past behavior.
Follow the guidance and calls to make amends provided by the people she has harmed with her original artwork and defense of it.
Stop creating artwork that sexualizes young children and replace the offending content on her spaces with an acknowledgement that she has done harm, recognition of how her adult-focused work harms real children, and centers survivor-led transformative justice organizations to support survivors, such as the BATJC.

Gratitude and deep thanks to A.M. for first bringing this to our community’s attention.

Rachel’s Christmas Boat

Picture book, Recommended for ages 3-5

Keep Raising Luminaries & Books for Littles free and accessible for readers who can’t afford a paywall.

Posts may contain affiliate links, which allow me to earn a commission at no extra cost to you. Check out the full affiliate disclosure along with my statement of accountability. If you’re into supporting libraries (please do!) more than consumerism, you can also support my work directly:

When Lulu’s Dad tells her that she’s going to change her name to Rachel, does Lulu:

A. Freak out and make it about all about Lulu?

B. Kick her dad out of the house and disown her despite the fact that Rachel is still the same exact loving parent she was before her transition?

or…

C. Accept Rachel with love and acceptance, because her dad is her dad is her dad – and Lulu loves her for who she is, not what gender she presents as?

Rachel’s transition isn’t about Lulu

[Answer: It’s C.]

Unlike most children’s stories about gender transition, Rachel’s transition is just a life event – similar to the ones many loving families across the world go through.

What I love most about this book is that Rachel’s transition isn’t the main focus of the story – the FOCUS of the story is how Lulu can support her dad (Rachel still keeps the title of ‘dad’) after realizing Rachel’s Christmas presents are covered with Rachel’s dead name.

Lulu’s effort shows kids that they can support and affirm family members and friends going through gender transition, reminding them that they are welcome and loved.

That’s kind of perfect for a warm and loving holiday book.

You might also like:

Is this book #OwnVoices?

Author & Illustrator: Sophie Labelle (she/her)

Yup! Labelle is an Autistic trans woman, and prolific author & graphic artist specializing in destigmatizing, validating, and normalizing the transgender identity experience for trans & neurodivergent youth.

Transparency & Cahoots

Flamingo Rampant gave me temporary access to a digital review copy so I could tell you about it.

Stay Curious, Stand Brave, and Protect Trans Kids

If my work makes it easier for you to raise kind & courageous kiddos, you can keep these resources free for everybody by sharing this post with your friends and reciprocate by supporting my work directly.

But if your resources are limited – first support OUTright Youth of Catawba Valley – providing support & safe community for LGBTQ youth & allies in an anti-LGBTQiA2S+ community.

December 1, 2017 0 comments

Coyote offers to play ball with Columbus

Book Analysis

Countering Myths about Christopher Columbus with ‘A Coyote Columbus Story’

by Ashia October 1, 2017

written by Ashia

Sharing this post on social media? Use this description to make it accessible: [Image description: Illustration from ‘Coyote Columbus Story’ by Thomas King & William Kent Monkman. Coyote, wearing shorts and high-tops, asks to play ball with Christopher Columbus and his men. Columbus peers suspiciously over the upside-down map of ‘The New Route to India’ as his men unload muskets, machine guns, and weaponry onto the shore in the background.]

Coyote Columbus Story

A Coyote Columbus Story

Picture book, Best for kiddos ages 4+

Keep Raising Luminaries & Books for Littles free and accessible for readers who can’t afford a paywall.

What a fun way to end school celebrations of genocide

I’m not going to get into details on vile human-trafficker and mass-murderer Christopher Columbus. You probably know about that massive jerk by now.

AND YET – It’s 2020 and throughout the US, teachers still celebrate ‘Christopher Columbus Day’ in their classrooms. Maybe because he never set foot here? Is that what we’re celebrating? He killed and enslaved less people here than in Central America? Yay?

(Seriously though – wtf, how is this still a thing?)

But I WILL go on about this SPECTACULAR story that doesn’t just dismantle myths and stereotypes, it pies them in the face with a wild cackle.

Trusting kids with the ‘both…and’ of history’s horrors and the joy we need to survive it

A Coyote Columbus Story engages kids with the deeply powerful but mistake-prone trickster, Coyote. This is an adventure in Indigenous storytelling, a subversive critique at colonist consumerism, and an Indigenous perspective of historical events. This is how we tackle hard topics in an age-appropriate way. A really funny way.

Maybe too funny? Is it disrespectful for us to be laugh so hard about at an act so horrifying?

For those who have said about this book that genocide is not funny, there is this: Humor has been our salvation. If we couldn’t laugh, sometimes at really awful stuff, there wouldn’t be any of us here.

Doris Seale, A BROKEN FLUTE

With that – this is an intro book to get kids started on the topic of colonization, genocide, and slavery – one that doesn’t send them spiraling into despair. A quick antidote for the construction paper Santa Maria our kids bring home from school in October.

I think the problem is when we stop at the easy laughs, and refuse to carry these conversations into the deeper, harder evolution of reconciling history and how we apply this knowledge today. So many settlers are afraid to talk about colonization with kids beyond that cowardly myth: ‘Europeans came. The Indigenous people died. Even though some unfair stuff happened, it’s out of our hands, because they’re all dead and we don’t have to concern ourselves with their suffering.’

But no – this story pokes that myth in the ribs – a hard, conspiratorial reminder that Indigenous people survive. Taíno and Arawak people targeted by Columbus are still here. They created innovate ways to survive the violence and erasure of colonialism that continues today. Still fighting for their rights, their families, and still pushing against an active tide of genocide.

So we enjoy this book – especially on Indigenous Peoples’ Day in October. And then we follow it up with deeper books about our responsibility to amplify Indigenous activism and decolonize our local spaces.

Shade on victim-blaming

Those of us who benefit from oppression love a passive voice. “The Indigenous people were enslaved and killed.” No one is killing and enslaving them. They’re just…ending up like that! Nothing to be done if they’re going to get themselves into that kind of predicament! ::Brushes dust off hands::

As Indigenous literature scholars such as Dr. Deb Reese (American Indians in Children’s Literature) and Jean Paine Mendoza (A Broken Flute) have pointed out – settler’s favorite children’s book about colonization (ex: Encounter) blames Taíno people for failing to recognize the warning signs of invasion. This trope shows up again and again both in kidlit and resources for higher education.

We blame Indigenous people for failing to fight back (but when they did, we call them ‘savages.’)

We blame them for naivete, for failing to respond to starving visitors and immigrants with death and internment (we Americans do so love to denigrate compassion and humane treatment!)

We blame them for daring to be in the wrong place, in the wrong time (The wrong place being their home.). For leaving such a tempting resource out where invaders could see it – a land they had cultivated with roads, infrastructure, and soil they had enriched through years of agriculture. Kind of like blaming a home-invasion on a person who took great care of their house.

Which sounds a lot like blaming survivors of harassment and violence for leaving the house / not leaving the house / smiling too much / refusing to smile / asking for it …ad nauseam.

A Coyote Columbus Story refuses to do that. The responsibility of violence and harm belongs on the people who chose to do main, kill, and enslave others. We must stop blaming the survivors of colonization for being easy pickings. Or, as reasonable folks would put it – empathetic human beings who don’t mug each other.

Although we get hints of Columbus’s crimes against humanity, he’s not actually centered in this story – the way he is in most. His human targets are no longer accessories, but people with a rich cultural history long before he showed up. People who are innovative, smart, with agency. People who, as Claudia Fox Tree, Arawak educator, can tell you – survived.

This story is not just about the past. It is alarmingly relevant today. This is the perfect cautionary tale – for many of us who benefit from colonization, who continue to erase and ignore Indigenous people, and who exploit and devastate the land:

You better watch out or this world is going to get bent

The Human Beings to Coyote, (Thomas King)

But what about this federal holiday celebrating a supremacist Columbus as an Italian American?

Okay first – Columbus never set foot in the land currently known as North America. So let’s get the out of the way. He was not a ‘product of his time’ as no other individual – before or since, as “he enslaved five thousand Indigenous people through his career. More than any other individual in history, ever.”

Which is to say – your average Genoese person was not, at the time, nor now – a brutal murderer and slaver. Suggesting Columbus is representative of Italian Americans in the past or present is – kind of offensive?

Folks who oppose Indigenous Peoples Day like to reduce Italian American heritage to Columbus (who himself was brought back to Spain in chains for crimes against his own men.) These advocates are claiming that by acknowledging the history of this one jerk, we’re doing… reverse-racism against white people and making it “a crime to be white.”

Aside from the fact that talking about the impacts of genocide and not celebrating your crush with a federal holiday is not the same as criminalizing your identity. (Although honey, that’s a thing, just not a valid threat to you.) This particular line came from a group who claimed both ending Columbus day to be an attack on white people, and in the same rant, denied Italian Americans hold the identity or privileges of whiteness in 2018’s America. PICK A LANE, LADY.

This was in a city hearing where a group of Fox News viewers went on to heckle an Indigenous mother into tears as she tried to explain the impact of schools celebrating Columbus Day on her child.

Which is all to say – folks who can’t acknowledge the truth about Columbus are not the inclusive representation of Italian American culture they claim. Just a small subset who value European culture, and lives as supreme above the safety and dignity of Indigenous people. Which is a fancy, tap-dancing way of saying: white supremacists.

The US holiday of Columbus Day was initially based a fictionalized novel by Washington Irving (where Columbus was a hero and adventurer, rather than a guy who was terrible at basic geography, who went full-on monster). The holiday itself was orchestrated by Generoso Pope (1892-1950), who held the job of perpetuating Mussolini’s fascist propaganda throughout the US.

(So if you are wondering, yes, to be anti-Columbus is to be anti-fascist. If you thing fascism is shitty and don’t want it in the US – THAT IS A GOOD THING.)

The US developed a virtue signal holiday to welcome Italian Americans into the folds of whiteness, in the standard ploy to divide poor European immigrants, Indigenous people, and Africans displanted by enslavers from rising up against a common oppressor. An olive branch of “We will stop lynching you if you assimilate to whiteness. Here’s a holiday to show our good will!”

You might also like: How the myth of ‘Reverse Racism’ reinforces white supremacy

And in true model-minority fashion, it worked. For a time.

However, compassionate Italian Americans have always resented our government linking their heritage to Columbus and his acts. As we gain more access to the voices of Indigenous people, we are becoming aware of the true history behind colonization, and our role as settlers in perpetuating that harm by celebrating their genocide. Progressive Italians are starting to resent being tied to the legacy of Columbus – and are organizing to work in solidarity with Indigenous people. Like our good friends in the Italian Americans for Indigenous Peoples Day Massachusetts, for example.

To add fuel to the flames, before Italians were welcomed into whiteness, earlier versions of the KKK were against the creation of Columbus day. Which completely derailed the point Indigenous people have been making this whole time – Columbus Day shouldn’t be a thing not because Italian Americans don’t count as white (or do they? That lady really confused me), but because Italian Americans are not a monolith – and they are certainly not represented by this bottom-feeder Columbus.

In fact – using a violent terrorist as the monolithic representation for entire group of people with an ethnic identity is kind shitty. Who wants that? SERIOUSLY – WHO WOULD WANT THAT?!

St. Paddy’s day (not federally recognized bank holiday, but still) is fun, and I think the St. Patrick was generally a good guy. But you know what? If I, as an Irish Bostonian (we do St. Paddy’s HARDCORE) found out he murdered babies and fed them to dogs – I would be COMPLETELY DONE with both the man and any day honoring him. I would be 100% okay handing that day over to survivors of his attacks so we can boost their truth and we can reconcile as a community. And if I didn’t believe his detractors, I could still do my parades and wear green and, for the Irish part of my culture at least, I would face no discrimination or negative consequences for letting St. P go.

Italian Americans demand better representation

I don’t want to spend too much time centering the settlers and white folks in this – but this is all to say, to both my family and friends who are Italian Americans – I agree. You deserve better than this brutal stereotype. So we’re working on a children’s book list celebrating Italian culture, Italian authors & Italian American stories that show how wonderful and non-murderous Italian Americans really are. For my 2nd-gen Italian grandma, my kids of Italian descent, my cousins, uncles, and friends – I hope you’ll leave a comment with your kids’ favorite books celebrating their heritage and ethnicity. Columbus is a cracked and distorted funhouse mirror that doesn’t reflect Italian readers. You are the badass folks who founded the anti-fascist movement and fought against redlining! You deserve accurate representation free of the stereotypes and lies.

You might also like: How to Subvert Racist Gate-keeping in Education

Parenting is Praxis:

These conversations have to go somewhere. We can’t just read a book for ‘awareness’ and consider our work done. Here are a few ways we transform our family discussions from A Coyote Columbus Story into action:

Follow Indigenous leadership: We found our local indigenous nations and looked for ways to follow their lead, support their initiatives, and educate our communities on how to decolonize.
The Indigenous Peoples’ Day Toolkit is designed to get you started. This year, we read the Bear, Horse, and Sparrow story in the Indigenous Peoples’ Day Toolkit to counter the construction-paper Santa Marias and other genocide-celebratory nonsense my kids pick up at school. This story serves as a launchpad for settler kids to recognize their role in decolonization.
As parents and community members, we’ve been supporting the UAINE in instituting Indigenous Peoples’ Day in our city as a first step to truth and reconciliation for the past two years.
This year, we’re working in relationship with Elizabeth Solomon, member of the Massachusett Tribe at Ponkapoag, in creating an IPD event in our city.
Support voting access for Indigenous people by donating to the Native American Civil Rights Fund.
We keep talking about this – like every conversation here, this is something we need to continue talking about. Here are a list of guided discussion questions to continue what we experience in this book with kids.

You might also like: Kids Books Dismantling The Myth of a ‘First Thanksgiving’

Read this book along with…

This isn’t a one-and-done conversation. We need to bring this conversation back to kids from multiple angles. Here are a few more books pick up when you set this one down:

Fry Bread, We Are Water Protectors & The People Shall Continue – Affirming the refrain ‘We are still here’
Coyote Tales – A short chapter book by the same author, Thomas King. Such fun!
Find more children’s books to honor Indigenous Peoples Day

Is this #OwnVoices?

Author: Thomas King (he/him) is of Cherokee and Greek descent, and is not enrolled in the three federally recognized Cherokee nations due to family separation. (Enrollment is super complicated, thanks to an intentionally destructive legacy of US legislation).
Illustrator: William Kent Monkman (he/him) is of Swampy Cree & English-Irish descent, and is a member of the Fisher River Band in Manitoba.

Learn more about #OwnVoices, coined by autistic author Corinne Duyvis

'A Coyote Columbus Story' Analysis & Review

Courage

10
Brilliance

10
Representation

10
Engagement

10
Wildcard: Gorgeous multi-layered illustrations with

10

The Goods

Introduces the concept of slavery and genocide without sending kids into a whirlwind of despair.
Shows colonization is a present-day problem that we can still fight.
Despite the horrifying subject - it's laugh-out-loud fun to read and appropriate for young children.
Motivates kids to speak truth to bullshit if their community still celebrates Columbus & genocide.
Shows how Indigenous people have cleverly preserved their heritage, culture, and lives despite brutality and violence.
Trusts kids to handle hard topics, doesn't speak down to them, and presents the story in a cognitively appropriate way.
Wild, detailed, and kid-engaging illustrations.

The Bads

There is no sequel. We need books like this about every bigoted bucket of farts we celebrate today.

10.0

Average Score

How we calculate the overall awesomeness score of books.

Transparency & Cahoots!

We purchased a copy of A Coyote Columbus Story, because the Earthquakes read it frequently. Make sure to check it out of your local library to keep it in circulation, and perhaps grab your own copy while supporting local indie bookstores on Bookshop.

You should definitely check out: The Indigenous Peoples’ Day Family Action Toolkit

Stay Curious, Stand Brave, and Support Indigenous Voting Rights

But if your resources are limited – support the Native American Civil Rights Fund first. I have easy access to voting – but the US is still blocking many Indigenous people from voting, and they’re working to remove those barriers.

“Our recent report, Obstacles at Every Turn, details obstacles that Native voters face at every turn in the voting process” – the Native American Civil Right s Fund.

Psst: Here’s a list of guided discussion questions that we’ve used with the Earthquakes while reading this book.

October 1, 2017 2 comments

Book Collections

Captivating Kids Stories To Recognize Privilege

by Ashia June 16, 2016

written by Ashia

[Featured Image Description: Book cover for ‘Lila and the Crow’]

Every day, I see comments from friends, family, and even readers like this:

“I’m waffling between educating my white kids about all the terrible things that happen to children of color and protecting them from the truth. They’re so young. I don’t want them to be traumatized.”

June 16, 2016 32 comments

Book Collections

6 Mistakes We Make Raising Sons – Kids Books To Prevent Sexual Assault

by Ashia January 1, 2016

written by Ashia

[Featured Image description: Book cover of ‘Real Cowboys,’ by Hoefler & Bean.]

It’s up to us to teach our boys about enthusiastic consent and the gray areas that put girls and women in danger. Below, we discuss how to educate our sons on respecting the agency and safety of both themselves and others.

Content warning: General discussions on rape culture and sexual harassment.

MORE IN THIS SERIES
First Talks About Body Boundaries

Body Diversity For Squeamish Caregivers:
101: Body Awareness For Kids
102: All Bodies Are Good Bodies
103: Talking About Differences
104: Daring Stories About Fat Liberation
105: Kids Understand the Gender Spectrum

First Talks About Gender & Sexuality
201: Consent Basics For Kids
202: Where Babies Come From
203: Talking ABout Sexuality & Masturbation
204: Preventing Sexual Assault
205: Helping Kids Identify Coercion & Grooming

Raising Luminaries is free and accessible for readers who can’t afford a paywall. Posts may contain affiliate links, which allow me to earn a commission at no extra cost to you. Check out the full affiliate disclosure along with my statement of accountability.

204: Preventing Sexual Assault

We’re not raising ‘Nice Guys.’ We’re raising predators.

Parents of sons – we need to talk.

Look around at all those little girls in your son’s school playground. Those girls whose names you know, who go to school with your boys. The fierce ones, the shy ones, the messy ones, and that one with her shoes on the wrong feet.

Every single one of those girls will be sexually assaulted or harassed before she’s 20.

Every. Single. One.

RAINN’s 1 in 6 women experiencing ‘rape or attempted rape’ statistic doesn’t count unreported assaults. Nor does it count slaps on the ass while serving tables at a first job. It doesn’t include being followed home on a dark night. It doesn’t include the lovers and friends shaming them into sex they don’t want. It doesn’t include rape threats for being a female gamer/writer/zookeeper/anything.

This doesn’t count the 1 in 33 men and boys who report sexual assault, and the many more who don’t feel safe enough to do so.

This is our normal. This is the rape culture we perpetuate when we let toxic masculinity become someone else’s problem.

This is our responsibility to change. Learn to identify the mistakes we make as parents – and how to change what we expect from our boys.

Raising Luminaries is free and accessible for readers who can’t afford a paywall. Posts may contain affiliate links, which allow me to earn a commission at no extra cost to you. Check out the full affiliate disclosure along with my statement of accountability. If you’re into supporting libraries (please do!) more than consumerism, you can also support my work directly:

Mistake #1: Believing our perfect sons are incapable of bad choices

Victims don’t grow up in a vacuum. If they are being attacked – who is attacking them?

Our SONS. My sons, and yours – and many of our daughters. You know – those kids we’re raising to be so polite and respectful.

If you hear a quiet voice in the back of your head saying ‘Except not my son, he would never…’ that’s an example of embedded rape culture – the systemic, invisible influences we promote when we ignore what’s wrong in our society.

Our kids can be precious, wonderful, and lovely, and they can still be capable of doing stupid, awful, entitled, ignorant, and even violent things.

FIX IT NOW: Model non-toxic masculinity

Prevent male aggression: stop shaming men and boys when they show emotion, overwhelm, and vulnerability. Giving them healthy outlets for human reactions is how we prevent toxic masculinity before it boils over into an active shooter situation.

Ages 1+

‘Tough Guys‘ is perfect for kids enamored with super-heroes and great feats of strength. While I would have preferred some variation, it means something to see strong, capable men who are willing to cry and vent their feelings in a healthy way.

Ages 2.5+

‘Real Cowboys’ is deceptively simple and utterly stunning. Rough, tough, strong and powerful cowboys (who can also be cowgirls, and any race) are charged with protecting and nurturing others. They feel loneliness, sadness, and often need help. This book is magic – stories like this are what we need to tie the bravado of the ‘American Man’ into the responsibility, kindness, and vulnerability our fathers and grandfathers were never allowed to show.

Ages 2+

‘Flare‘ is a simple early reader with a deceptively complex story. When Flare the phoenix is born, the Sun, Cloud, and Wind are alarmed to see he doesn’t cry. With some help, he eventually learns how his tears are necessary and valuable. (Seriously – it’s science.)

Just before Q entered kindergarten, he informed me that 5-year-olds are not allowed to cry. I don’t know where he got this idea, but reading ‘The Different Dragon‘ sorted out that nonsense right away. The storytelling is a bit messy and it could use some editing, but lines like this make it worth it: “It’s a lot of pressure to be fierce all the time. All that roaring and gnashing of teeth and snorting fire. It’s a lot of work to scare people and be so mean. And nobody ever wants a dragon to be funny or sad or just regular.” Bonus points for normalizing gay parents (two moms) without making it a thing!

In Clive And His Babies, male-presenting Clive gently and joyously takes care of his baby dolls in this board book. Unlike many books where the kind and gentle boy is an outcast, his nurturing behavior is normal and his other male-presenting friends share the same interests.

You might also like: Whining, Tantrums & Angry Outbursts: Picture Books To Help Kids Embrace big Feelings and Chill

Mistake #2: Equating ‘politeness‘ with ‘respect‘

When the boys were wee babes, my (male) partner argued, “Can’t we just raise them to be decent humans? Then they will naturally treat women with respect and not rape them.”

NOPE. We teach our sons not to rape people…by teaching them not to rape people.

Parents of sons are not excused from the uncomfortable conversation of consent. Parents of daughters and nonbinary kids don’t have the luxury of skipping uncomfortable conversations. This conversation was not a choice for my mother, as she armed me with a bottle of Baby Soft perfume to use as mace on my first walk to the school bus stop. That’s the day I learned that we must expect attacks and remain vigilant. At all ages. Every day. Everywhere.

I was six.

FIX IT NOW: Teach your sons that women are people, not objects. What matters to girls matters.

If over half of your bookshelf contains only male characters, we have a problem. Don’t tell me you can’t find good full of books that pass the Uhura test. There are sooo many.

Not all books starring girls are created equal – most reinforce male supremacy. Massive aggregate booklists (cough, cough… A Mighty Girl) boast ‘the largest collection of books and movies’ specifically because they include anything, even if it’s a pile of vile stereotypes.

Both girls and boys (and non-binary kids) should read an equal mix of protagonists as powerful, vulnerable, complex protagonists that don’t conform to narrow gender roles.
Beware any story that features a ‘strong female protagonist’ (because the rest of us are weak?)
Throw out stories that claim she’s ‘not like the other girls.’ (Problematic: ‘Violet the Pilot,’ ‘I Am Lucille Ball.’)
Our BFL reader, Celeste, pointed out that a previous suggested series, the Ladybug Girl series, is a little outdated in gender roles, so we’ve updated it. Check out the comments if you want to read more about that. Thanks, Celeste!

Throwing other women under the bus to boost a single character reinforces the idea that girls have to be ‘like boys’ to make a valuable contribution to the world. Below, find just a few of the stories my rough and tumble boys adore:

Ages 2.5+

‘Little Robot‘ is our favorite graphic novel here at Bumblebee Hollow. With minimal text, both my boys could ‘read’ it independently by age 3, which gives me the occasional precious break. In this story of a little girl of color befriending a robot, she experiences a complex range of emotions – from jealousy, bravery, and fear to joy and curiosity. Bonus points because she’s a handy engineer.

What’s My Super Power? gives us a glimpse into the life of a modern girl from Nanavut, celebrating what she admires in her friends, and searching for what makes her unique and awesome.

Ages 4+

The ‘Princess In Black‘ series of chapter books is just witty enough to keep me entertained when the boys ask me to read them over, and over, and over. This super-hero who is into ‘girly-girl’ things like ponies and princess parties shows kids that being traditionally feminine is not mutually exclusive to being a kick-ass monster fighter.

You might also like: Kickass Books That Pass The Uhura Test – Kickass Books Normalizing Girls Of Color

Mistake #3: We Keep Going When They Say ‘Stop’

From birth, we’ve taught Q & R2 the importance of consent. If they say to stop tickling them, we STOP. If we are late for school and I’m wrestling R2 into his shirt and he says to stop, I STOP. If I ask them for a hug them goodbye and they aren’t enthusiastic about it – I STOP. And even when Q is in spoiled-whiny-turd mode, and I realize I’m gripping his arm as he fights to get away – I STOP.

I apologize. I verbally admit I did something wrong and I have the responsibility never to do it again.

There is no appointment important enough, no urge irresistible enough, no need of ours that surpasses their control over who touches them and how.

FIX IT NOW: Practice giving and respecting consent from birth

Read these books with your toddlers & preschoolers. Practice:

Always for consent – even if they said ‘yes’ before.
Practice saying ‘no,’ because saying ‘no’ is hard.
Make your consent clear.
Accept only enthusiastic consent.
A hesitant a or coerced ‘yes’ means a NO.
Silence means NO.
Talk about normal reactions (and appropriate responses) when we accidentally cause someone harm.

I Like It When, Let’s talk about Healthy Body Boundaries, Consent, and Respect, Let’s Talk About Accepting No

Ages 3m+

A Not So Typical Night Out (free PFD coloring comic, via the BATJC) – Includes some sexual content and substances. As in all things – screen books before reading with your kids!

Ages 8+

You Might Also Like: Talking About Consent With Kids – Setting Healthy Boundariesand Accepting ‘NO.’

Mistake #4: Because I Say So.

We tell kids to respect our authority, not our reasoning. Teaching our kids to defer to the whims and directives of authority without question, simply because of their age, career, or social status, is how regular folks do horrible things.

Respecting authority implies we don’t have to respect everyone.

Respecting everyone requires we approach differences with an open mind. We listen, we aim for compassion and understanding. We treat others how we’d like to be treated, and we respect the boundaries and reasonable wishes of others, while respecting our own.

Respecting authority, however, means we apply this kindness to our peers and those we have power over – but we must obey authority. If we respected everyone, there would be no need to obey those in power without question.

Obeying authority is an act of submission and subjugation.

Obeying without question compels us to remain silent and not step out of line. We must obey our elders – even when they abuse us. We must obey our teachers even when they humiliate us. We must obey our employers even when they exploit us. We must obey our customers even when they trample us. We must obey our mentors even when they assault us. We must obey our breadwinners even when trap us. We must obey our police officers even when they murder us. We must obey our owners even as they beat us. We must obey our government even when they kidnap us.

When we put authorities on a pedestal, that leaves the rest of us as subordinates. Do you see where I’m going here? ‘Authority’ is just another word for our masters. This is authoritarian nonsense is the stuff of tyranny.

I teach my boys to respect everyone and question authority.

FIX IT NOW: Teach kids to challenge questionable authority

Ages 2+

Baby Dragon is a gentle example of why they should listen when I tell them to stay put and not follow strangers – even if strangers seem helpful. It’s not a perfect book, but it worked for us as a primer, and helped us discuss procedures for if they ever get lost in public.

Ages 4.5+

That Uh-oh Feeling – Claire can’t quite explain what makes her feel so uncomfortable. Cole & Leng don’t try to portray the coach as a ‘bad guy’ – he’s friendly and approachable. If kids are always looking out for ‘bad guys,’ overt abuse, and strangers, they might fail to report things until it’s too late

What I love most about ‘That Uh-Oh Feeling‘ is that both Claire’s friends and mother believe her. If we want our kids to come to us before things go to far, they need to trust that we will take them seriously, and this book models proper behavior for both victims, peers and adults.

‘Ron’s Big Mission‘ is based on the story of astronaut Ron MacNair in his 1959 fight to check books out of the library.

You might also like: Kids Books About Resistance for Courageous Kids

Mistake #5: Creating Loopholes

I’m tired. I’ve been working all day. I paid for everything. I got you this job. I never ask you for anything. You’re so inflexible. Are you sure you don’t want it?

Preventing assault is the responsibility of the attacker – never the victim. We don’t wait for our sons to use ‘code words’ when they want to stop rough-housing. It’s our responsibility as the tickler to remain vigilant for signs that we’re approaching a line.

‘No’ means no.
‘Well…okay’ means no.
Silence means no.

We hold power over our children. One day they will have power – over a romantic partner, apprentice, or child who can’t afford the economic, career, and social fallout of drawing a hard line in the sand.

If your victim has to scream “I MEAN IT,” you have already assaulted them.

There is no excuse for letting it get this far. Anything less than enthusiastic consent means STOP. Victims can’t use ‘code words’ when unconscious. Victims can’t verbalize the reasons they feel uncomfortable when they’re young, isolated, and have nowhere else to go.

Many of us have been trained from early childhood to comply and consent to painful experiences or face dire consequences – like being put up for adoption, being institutionalized, or facing the rage of our attackers.

The responsibility preventing assault lies with the attacker. No exceptions.

FIX IT NOW: Teach kids to take responsibility for their actions

I want to list ‘Last Stop On Market Street‘ (not pictured) because it’s a spectacular book on compassion and kind action, but since it’s the boy’s grandmother who initiates kind action, I’ll save it for another day. Right now, let’s focus on stories where the boys themselves direct the action and model good decisions on their own.

Maybe don’t.

‘Invisible Boy‘ gets thrown around in lists about compassion and empathy. It’s okay, but problematic. I list it here specifically because I’m sick of this being the gold standard for empathy.

There is no empathy modeled in the book, just two kids being baseline decent human beings while the rest of the class are asshats.
It’s full of stereotypes (nerd has glasses and no one picks him for sports, Asian kid, because chopsticks).
The invisible boy earns friendship with kind actions, and they are immediately reciprocated.

Kindness is not transactional. Books like this encourage kids with social disabilities to ‘earn’ friendship. Making friends when you are socially awkward doesn’t actually work like that and stories like this teach neurodivergent/awkward kids it’s our fault we’re ignored and bullied.

For kids who do not have a social disability, we should teach them to be kind to kids because they are human, not because they are hoping for a payoff, and not because we owe it to them for a past kindness. WE CAN DO BETTER.

Ages 4+

Faith McNulty’s thing is the interaction of fragile creatures from nature thrust into the world of man, relying on the compassion of powerful, conflicted humans to not squish them. I like these books a lot. Although irrelevant to boys behaving nicely, ‘The Lady And The Spider,’ (not pictured) is slow-paced and pensive, but holds up surprisingly well as a mild suspense-thriller for even young toddlers. For this list, ‘Mouse And Tim‘ is the perfect story to illustrate how we have to make the right (compassionate, selfless) choices when we are the ones who hold dominion over those with less. It’s the only book that left my loud and boisterous then-4-year-old into a deep, bittersweet, quiet contemplation after reading.

Ages 3.5+

‘How To Heal A Broken Wing‘ highlights the importance of paying attention and going above-and-beyond what is expected of us. When the city ignores a hurt pigeon lying in the street, only one boy stops to care. He doesn’t have to spend weeks nurturing it back to health, but he decides to make it his responsibility.

Kindness is a muscle, friends. Work it.

Mistake #6: We Stay Silent When Things Feel Off

‘He’s just a product of his time.’

‘I’m sorry you’re offended. I didn’t mean anything by it.’

‘Boys will be boys!’

‘But he’s autistic/three years old/loves to hug!’

Nah. Stop making excuses. If you wouldn’t excuse your daughter from this behavior, you can’t excuse your son.

FIX IT NOW: Stop making excuses – and start identifying and discussing problematic behavior

We need to stop reading stories that romanticize harassment immediately.

ALL THE NOPES.

When I first started reading with my kids, I bought a copy of ‘A Visitor For Bear‘ because it was a cute, silly story. Only recently, after finding it lost deep in our bookshelves, do I realize this is the type of book I’d put unequivocally in the ‘NOPE’ list today – there is no way I’d read this to my boys after what I’ve learned over the years.

Mouse wants to be Bear’s friend. He keeps sneaking into Bear’s house. Bear says ‘no.’ Mouse apologizes, leaves, and shows up again. Bear shouts ‘NO.’… Repeat. Eventually, Mouse wears Bear down, and they become best friends.

After reading thousands of animal-protagonist books, I’m starting to see the messages we teach our children. No matter whether Bear is male or a bear or a human or the larger and stronger animal or a boss or a king – his ‘NO’ counts.

He shouldn’t have to repeat it. He shouldn’t have to justify it. We should not see him broken down, we should not romanticize harassment.

NOPE.

Being less savvy with facial expressions as my allistic friends, I recommended ‘Hug Machine‘ years ago until long-time BFL’er Amanda L. pointed out that some of the Hug Machine’s targets looked uncomfortable with his affections. Not once does he ask permission, he just goes around groping people. As adorable as the story is, it’s a hard pass.

OH HELL NOPE.

As an autistic woman, I hate ‘My Brother Charlie‘ with the heat of a thousand suns (hyperbole!) but for now, let’s just look at the cover. Look at it. Does he want that hug? NO HE DOES NOT. Back off, jerks! Charlie does not deserve your abuse. Seriously, I haaaaaate this violent, discriminatory, ableist crap book soooo much. Everyone involved should be ashamed of themselves.

NOOOPE.

In ‘Mud Puddle,’ a sentient mud puddle repeatedly attacks a young girl, violating her personal space, clothing, and body – forcing her mother to repeatedly wash her to get clean again.

If she didn’t want to get dirty, she shouldn’t have left the house, amirite?! My 5yo found it hilarious. I did not.

NOPEDY NOPE.

‘You Will Be My Friend‘ is a cross between ‘Hug Machine’ and ‘A Visitor For Bear.’ Lucy chases down and physically assaults various animals until one of them likes the way she behaves.

I totally identified with the Lucy – this was my experience as an autistic kid! Insipid stories like these tell us assault is okay if the attacker is a girl.

I know better now – and I’m sorry.

OH HOLY NOPE.

‘The Bad Mood And The Stick’ not only teaches kids that we can’t just get out of a bad mood – we have to foist it off on someone else. That’s not even the terrible part!

The terrible part is when a white man takes his pants off in the workplace of a black woman even though she protests and explicitly tells him not to.

This delights her so much, they get married. What the actual fuck. Oh wait, I forgot Lemony Snickett has a history of unacceptable behavior toward black women.

Examples of mutual, affirmative, enthusiastic consent

And no – I’m not some radical feminist monster who is against hugs. Just unwanted ones.

If you’re looking for a cute alternative to ‘Hug Machine,’ try ‘Hug Time,’ which features hugs so in-demand, a whale leaps out of the water for them. (I could be wrong, but the main character’s best friend looks surprised by a hug, but not uncomfortable).

Also check out ‘Hug Me,’ about a cactus that wants hugs and manages to keep his prickles to himself until he finds someone who wants them.

Imagine that!

If you want a story like ‘You Will Be My Friend’ without the home invasion and assault, try ‘Elwood Bigfoot,’ which was so sweet it made me cry a little, and both boys rejoiced at the ending.

You Might Also Like: Raising Tomorrow’s Fathers – Children’s Books Featuring Loving dads

Stay Curious, Stand Brave & Teach Boys Not To Rape

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January 1, 2016 43 comments

Book Collections

Beyond the Binary: Why We Need Gender Creative Characters In Kidlit

by Ashia June 1, 2015

written by Ashia

Image description: Illustration from ‘Neither’ by Airlie Anderson. Blue bunnies and yellow birds gape at a newborn green bird-bunny saying ‘HONK!’

In this post: Gender non-conforming kids books featuring nonbinary and gender-fluid characters.

Books For Littles(BFL) is free and accessible for readers who can’t afford a paywall. Posts may contain affiliate links, which allow me to earn a commission at no extra cost to you. Check out the full affiliate disclosure along with the BFL statement of accountability.

Stories Celebrating Nonbinary Characters

Kids need nonbinary, gender-fluid & intersex heroes

Something about the use of ambiguously non-gendered characters in kidlit feels…off.

You’ve seen them, right? Those gender-ambiguous characters referred as the child, with neutral names like Frankie and Jaime. Full of awkward text that tap-dances around the use of nonbinary or gender-fluid pronouns.

Doesn’t it feel kinda… don’t ask, don’t tell-ish? Are authors really being inclusive?

It’s kind of gross, when you stop to think about it. Let’s break it down slowly.

Mainstream publishers are willing to feature gender-ambiguous characters, so long as there’s wiggle room for readers to perceive the character as a binary gender.

That ambiguity is a subtle way of negating a child’s gender autonomy. The character’s gender is the viewer’s decision. Our kids get to choose the gender that they are most comfortable with – not the character themselves. By telling our kids that they can perceive the someone else’s gender however they want, we’re reinforcing the idea that gender is determined by outside factors like our names, how we dress, our bodies, and the sex we’re assigned at birth.

This doesn’t break the dominant narrative of a gender binary. We’re just reinforcing it. Keeping nonbinary characters in the closet does nothing to teach our kids that gender expands way beyond boys and girls.

Ambiguously gendered characters silences and erases the existence of real-life nonbinary kids while using their identities to make cisgender kids comfortable.

Nonbinary kids get the message every day that their acceptance is contingent on being able to pass as male or female. That they are not welcome or safe as their full selves in all of their gorgeous, complicated, human glory.

Most kidlit authors are not featuring nonbinary characters to balance out gender representation.

(Oh heck, what are the odds that most cisgender authors even know that nonbinary genders exist?)

Cisgender authors exploit nonbinary genders as a selling tool. This tired, broken theory – kids can only empathize with a character when they see their own gender reflected back. The pink and blue branded toys, pink legos, and divided clothing departments. The books that claim to be ‘for boys’ or ‘for girls.’

Publishers want to sell twice as many books, assuming kids will … I dunno, explode or something?… if they read a book featuring a character who isn’t identical to them in every way.

Which is hilarious. ‘Cause we’re pretending that generations of girls and nonbinary kids have been reading stories starring masculine protagonists for hundreds (thousands?) of years – and this whole time we haven’t been capable of really empathizing with the characters’ journeys. Marketing departments don’t have much faith in kids.

You smell the bullshit here though, right?

This quiet, cis-passing inclusion is gentle, insidious bigotry. Cisgender makers aren’t featuring nonbinary characters to empower them – they’re appropriating a targeted group and twisting that identity as a device to sell books.

This isn’t okay! Why are we okay with this?! Let’s stop being okay with this.

It’s insulting (and cowardly) to assume marginalized gender identities aren’t worth representing and celebrating. This doesn’t just hurt our nonbinary kids. It’s ageist and sexist against cisgender kids, too. Kids are capable of empathizing with characters who identify as a different gender. We’re not giving our kids enough credit.

By assuming gender-priviledged kids can’t cope with the stories of nonbinary, trans, and feminine characters, we’re complicit in teaching our kids that people with these identities don’t matter.

But it’s okay, we’ve got a plan. HINT: BOOKS!

You might also like: Teaching Kids About The Gender Spectrum

Out & Proud: Explicitly Nonbinary Characters

The following stories loudly & proudly celebrate nonbinary characters, pronouns and all.

Lumberjanes – Start at issue #1 and work your way through the stories as characters reconcile, grow, and own their various gender identities. Barney is formally labeled as nonbinary (they/them) in issue #4. Characters break gender constructs, come out as trans, gay and lesbian, but mostly, they fight monsters. The characters and story are defined by way more than just gender and sexuality.
Love, Z – Z (a robot) uses they/them pronouns in this story about belonging, family, and unconditional love. The story also features an elderly lesbian (human) and with pictures of her multiracial family on the mantle. And the sea captain is a kitten, which makes my kids giggle. While I do wish Z was a human, I’ll take it.
Bell’s Knock Knock Birthday! – This compilation of radically inclusive social justice imagery includes: normalizing Deaf & disabled characters (hearing aids), Black Lives Matter flags, public breastfeeding, and even vermicomposting for environmental justice. Also way more. So of course they’ve got a nonbinary grandparent in this chosen family (Grandmani). It’s more of a counting book than a story, but the background details are so jam-packed I can’t even list all the good stuff in it.
Disclosure: Flamingo Rampant sent me a digital copy of this book so I could review it, but we don’t have a physical copy so I haven’t tested it out with my kids.
They She He Me, Free To Be!*- Maybe you noticed that this book is in almost every book collection in BFL. If you haven’t read it yet, doooo it.
Disclosure: Reflection Press recently sent our family a free copy of this book as a gift, but only after years of recommending it and featuring Maya & Matthew in a Maker Spotlight, because they are awesome.
When Aidan Became A Brother – I’ve been waiting so damn long for this perfect book, which came out this month. The story centers on a trans boy named Aidan, preparing for the birth of his nonbinary baby sibling. SO CUTE. HAPPY TEARS. ADORABLE SO MUCH!
Disclosure: I requested this from the library, but Little Feminist Book Club sent me a free copy for review right before it arrived, because I help them pick their books. Click here to get their kickass monthly book boxes (both of these are affiliate links that support this website.)

Ages 7+

Ages 4-8

Ages 3+

Ages 2+

Ages 4+

Engaging Stories Validating Nonbinary & Gender-Fluid Kids Who Face Discrimination

While the stories in the categories above normalize nonbinary and gender fluid kids (the stories are about something other the gender, and gender doesn’t define them), the following books are explicitly destigmatizing and validating books to learn about the experience of navigating these gender identities.

All of include some level of peer pressure, discrimination, and bullying for the protagonists to navigate in worlds where stepping outside the binary makes people uncomfortable.

From the Stars in the Sky to the Fish in the Sea is an #OwnVoices story written by a trans femme author (she/her) as a validating story for gender-fluid kids. It’s a great story to start talking with our kids about how gender ambiguity can make some folks angry, and how painful it can be to hide who we are just to make others comfortable.
Worm Loves Worm is a simple story that pokes fun at people who get all huffy about same-sex marriage, featuring two gender-fluid, intersex worms.
Neither Both of my kids were riveted at the injustice of discriminating against a bird-rabbit creature that is not just neither, but both. The cute, simple illustrations show kids how it feels to be excluded, and how it feels to find a place where they’re accepted.

Ages 3+

Ages 4+

Ages 3+

You might also like: Reassuring Books For Kids Who Feel Like Outsiders

Normalizing (Implied) Nonbinary Characters

These are the stories that hesitantly toe the line on using gender-ambiguous characters, but only when they can be perceived as either male or female. Lots of tap-dancing around so the text, and of course none of these include pronouns. I dug around and it’s clear that these characters are intentionally nonbinary.

They’re good books, but I do wish the makers had the courage to throw in a quick ‘they/them‘ or whatever. Sigh.

On A Magical Do-Nothing Day got my screen-loving kid to set down the video-games and head outside, plus they’ve asked to check it out of the library multiple times. Our kids aren’t particularly well-versed in mindfulness or into nature, so I’m impressed. If I remember correctly, the author managed to skirt around gender by narrating it from the first person.
Mel And Mo’s Marvelous Balancing Act is a great book about sibling conflict and cooperation, plus it fills a gap in books about twins as unique individuals. In this book, both twins present as gender-ambiguous and are referred to by name, but don’t use pronouns. Transparency: Annick Press sent me a free review copy of this book. It comes out in October 2019.
A Beginner’s Guide To Bear Spotting is a witty, somewhat silly book that makes up for the lack of story in goofiness. My 4- & 6-year-olds understood it well enough, but the humor is tailored more towards 8+. The narrator guide speaks in the second-person, avoiding the use of pronouns.
The Rabbit Listened is another book you’ll find plastered all over BFL – we recently used it to help the Earthquakes talk about supporting their dad while he grieves the loss of their grandmother. The character is referred to by name only (Taylor), but note to authors – my kids would have gotten the same benefits from this book if Taylor had been referred to by nonbinary gender pronouns a couple times in the book.

If you need more books normalizing nonbinary characters, these ones have unintentionally nonbinary characters. I threw those in a separate list for our supporters because those authors don’t even deserve credit for trying.

Ages 4.5+

Ages 4+

Ages 4.5+

Ages 3+

You might also like: Diverse Family Constellations In Kids Books

Series Collections Featuring Implied Nonbinary Characters

Similar to the books above in terms of avoiding the use of pronouns, the following authors use gender-ambiguity, rather than actively representing kids as nonbinary.

These ones are entire series…eses (how do you pluralize that? Whatever, I’m too lazy to look it up.)

Babybug Magazine features re-occuring characters Kim and their stuffed rabbit Carrots in every monthly issue.
The Baby Loves… series is are board books for toddlers, but the writing is better suited for kids 4+. Which is weird, that’s right at the age when many preschoolers eschew board books to claim their big-kidness. Most of the books don’t actually explain the science (or are just plain wrong), they’re mostly cash-grabs for parents desperate for a head start in a capitalist society that values academics over social skills. Irene Chan’s adorable illustrated babies are the only saving grace of the series. That, and some of the books, such as Baby Loves Aerospace Engineering! (which does not actually explain aerospace engineering) and Baby Loves Thermodynamics (about energy transfer, not thermodynamics) feature a non-gendered toddlers referred to as ‘Baby.’ However, most of the other books in this series include she or he pronouns. (WHY THO?!)
Rachel Fuller’s New Baby series for toddlers and preschoolers were our top favorite books to prepare our first child for the birth of a new sibling. The series progresses from pregnancy (Waiting for Baby), being proud of being a big sibling with an infant (My New Baby), focusing on what the big sibling can do to overcome jealously (Look At Me! – our personal favorite) and playing together (You And Me). A few books in the series normalizes racial diversity and multiracial families, and all feature nonbinary (no pronouns) characters.
Anastasia Higginbotham’s Ordinary Terrible Things series all include nonbinary characters who speak in the first person (no pronouns). I didn’t even realize this until I connected with Anastasia for a Maker Spotlight. Click here to check that out, it’s awesome.
Transparency: Dottir Press sent me a free copy of Not My Idea for review.

6 months to 3 years

Ages 4+

Ages 1-4

Ages 8+

You might also like: Stop Lying To Your Kids About White Supremacy

Informative Books Destigmatizing Nonbinary Genders

These ones aren’t really engaging stories, but I feel like I should add them here. These informative, didactic texts explicitly teach kids about nonbinary gender identities. You can also find more books about the gender spectrum over here.

A Quick & Easy Guide to They/Them Pronouns is a quick-start pocket guide written by an #OwnVoices nonbinary author (they/them) for teens and adults. You can find all of this basic stuff elsewhere, but if you’re unfamiliar with pronouns and microaggressions against nonbinary people, this is handy to check out before answering your kids questions. The content is fine for kids, it’s just the text that is cognitively inaccessible (and boring) for littles.
Jamie is Jamie is the only book in this category that I tested with my kids. It was fine for a read, but very basic and had no story. You can use it as an introduction to breaking gender constructs if your kids are unfamiliar with the idea.
Meet Polkadot is highly didactic, and actually feels more like a text book than a picture book. The story is written by an #OwnVoices trans author (they/them). The content is fine, but my kids already knew the points from other books we’ve read, and they couldn’t sit through it due to the lack of story.
The Gender Wheel covers way more than just nonbinary & fluid genders. This story includes intersex kids (super rare!) and touches on the history of colonization in creating the myth of a gender binary.
Disclosure: Reflection Press sent me a copy of this as a gift, but only after I started recommending it 😉
It Feels Good To Be Yourself – This simple book covers multiple gender identities, including Alex and JJ, who both identify as non-binary, but in different ways.
Disclosure: I requested this from the library, but Little Feminist Book Club sent me a free copy for review right before it arrived, because I help them pick their books. Click here to subscribe for their kickass monthly book boxes (both of these are affiliate links that support this website.)

Teens & adults

Ages 4+

Ages 6+

Ages 5.5+

Ages 4+

Watch Out! Problematic (And Common) Themes That Hurt Nonbinary & Gender-Fluid Kids

Transphobia & cis-washing in books that claim to be gender inclusive

Who Am I? I Am Me!: A book to explore gender equality, gender stereotyping, acceptance and diversity…uhh, right there, in the title gives parents the impression that this is an all-encompassing book about gender stereotyping, gender acceptance and gender diversity. NOPE! The story reinforces narrow gender binaries and spreads misunderstandings about trans folks.

This makes me anxious. How many busy, cash-strapped parents and teachers pick this book up as the one-and-done resource to teach their kids about gender?

Like many others that claim to dismantle gender stereotypes, this book erases and ignores any kid who doesn’t identify as a boy or a girl. While books like we’re breaking gender constructs and promoting gender non-conformity, the author repeatedly suggests that there are only two genders, and that trans kids’ identities aren’t valid unless they can fit into a single side of that binary. While Sanders buries a tiny a reference to trans kids in the parent notes, she consistently uses he and she pronouns in the preface, parent guides, and throughout the book. Sanders makes no effort to introduce gender diversity beyond the fact that boys and girls can enjoy the same things.

In keeping with performative books that portray nonbinary characters without actually using nonbinary pronouns or explicitly stating that the character is nonbinary or fluid, this book focuses on a kid named ‘Frankie.’ Nonbinary folks can go by their name only and not use pronouns on purpose – but given the rest of the book, I doubt that’s Frankie’s situation. Frankie’s infant sibling is assigned ‘she‘ pronouns.

What a huge missed opportunity. As a new mom, I also gave my kids binary pronouns at birth just to make life easier. I figured my kids could develop more complex gender identities as they grew up. Knowing what I do now, I’m not sure I’d still make that same decision. But I get it – here in the real world, there are still those logistical issues of giving a newborn full control over their gender identity, with all the logistical headaches and discrimination that come with it.

But in a book with a universe empowering and idealizing gender choice – one where the protagonist can be happily Frankie while pretending bigotry and bias doesn’t exist – it’s a weird choice to gender background characters (mom, dad, sister, really everyone other than Frankie.) This subtly suggests that Frankie is an oddity, even within the ideal universe of this book.

Lines such as “Children who may come to identify as a gender other than the one assigned to them at birth will be consistent, insistent, and persistent about their transgender identity” erase genderqueer, gender-fluid, and nonbinary kids. Aaaaand it’s just not true.

Suggesting that a trans kid isn’t really transgender unless they were clear, outspoken, and consistent about their gender identity from birth negates and erases the lived experience of many trans kids. Let’s see this line for what it really is – a note to reassure transphobic cisgender parents that their kid won’t turn trans if they let their sons wear tutus and their daughters play with trains. Catering to that fragility allows transphobes to remain transphobic, and it erases and de-legitimatizes the natural journey of many trans, gender creative, and fluid people.

Seriously. Don’t gaslight your kids! Who approved this!?

No matter how often your kid changes their pronouns or the gender they identify as – believe them.

Beyond all the transphobia – the book goes on like ten times longer than it needs to and it’s torture to read.

The first page starts, “You are YOU and I am me. We are whoever we want to BE!”

Vague, cowardly attempts to avoid explicitly talking about gender is confusing. My 4-year-old didn’t read that as permission to identify as the gender of his choosing. He read that as permission to now identify as his older brother. Or a giraffe. NOT THE SAME THING, KIDDO.

Vague, cowardly writing doesn’t do kids any favors, and leaves parents to do the heavy lifting. It’d be easier to discuss gender without this confusing nonsense. It’s a waste of trees and my time.

We spent 60 minutes slogging through Frankie’s intensely boring life – all the things Frankie likes to eat, do, and play with, wondering what any of this has to do with gender acceptance. The only reference to gender came at the very end where Frankie asks the reader, “Am I a boy? Am I girl? Who am I?”

As if boy and girl are the only option. UGH.

The answer: “I am ME!”

Reading this book felt like sitting through the movie AI – waiting hours for the story to go somewhere, only to be smacked with an abrupt and infuriating ending. That was hours of the Earthquakes short childhoods that we will never, ever get back.

Decentering Nonbinary Kids As Deviations & Oddities

It’s perfectly Normal and It’s Not The Stork are the popular go-to books for frank, inclusive guidance for kids books on sexuality and reproduction.

Despite being held as the gold standard for inclusive, progressive series on sexuality, this series is full of binary language: “Girl or Boy, Female or Male.” and lines like “Either of the two main groups, female or male, into which living things are placed.” “Both boys and girls have crushes…” “sex is whether you are male or female” and so on. There’s more, but you get the point.

I go into detail in our collection about sexuality, and again in the collection about reproduction, on why I will not recommend any editions of this book until it’s been updated to stop othering and misgendering trans folks and erasing nonbinary and intersex people.

Feel-Good Books That Perform ‘Diversity’ Allyship While Saying Nothing

You know those insufferable Todd Parr books? Fragile folks love them for ‘diversity!’ collections to reinforce the idea that we live in a post-racial utopian fantasy land. So long as diversity is a vague idea disconnected from actual real-life inequality. And the ‘diverse’ folks are all friendly, assimilated and willing to be quiet about it discrimination, which I we solve by doing vague things like ‘be you!‘ – whatever the hell that means.

Books like Be Who You Are promote the ageist idea that children aren’t capable of understanding and accepting people who don’t look like, or behave like, the dominant group – unless we turn them into palatable cartoon characters. Or that sexuality, gender non-conformity, or even being a person of color are identities too icky and shameful to discuss with young children without coding people of color as blue, purple, yellow, and red.

Lines like “be a different color,” and “wear everything you need to be you” conveniently sell the idea that we live in a post-racial, post-sexist society, that life is joyful and safe for everyone with enough spunk and courage to be themselves (a nice, smiling, gentle version).

Celebrating the vague idea of ‘diversity’ without acknowledging that some folks have power while others don’t feeds into colorblind fallacy and reverse-racism. This performative nonsense teaches kids that inclusion is easy. It’s not. Inclusion is hard, messy, and difficult work. We need to stop telling our kids that inequality is over and picnics solve bigotry.

Gender-nonconforming folks are still killed just for existing. FUCK THESE LIES. Messages like this are worse than worthless, they’re arming privileged groups with the dangerous weapon of obliviousness.

We need less books like these, and more honest books about how bigotry works and what kids can do to dismantle it.

You might also like: Captivating Kids Stories To Recognize Privilege

Accountability & transparency: I am a cishet person, without lived experience in LGBTQ+ issues, and part of learning to do better means I make mistakes. If I messed anything up, or left anything out – leave a comment below and I’ll do my best to create a more inclusive collection.

Stay Curious, Stand Brave & Protect Trans, Nonbinary & Gender-Fluid Kids

June 1, 2015 2 comments

Book Collections

Stereotype-Free Kids Stories Celebrating the Lunar New Year

by Ashia February 1, 2015

written by Ashia

[Image Description: Illustration from The Nian Monster by Wang & Chau, featuring an energetic cyclone of dragon dancers surrounding a pleased and bloodthirsty Nian sitting on a throne of fireworks. Behind the Nian, a clever little girl prepares to light the firecrackers.]

In this post: Stereotype-free (and amazing) picture books celebrating the Lunar New Year

This post is no longer updated regularly. Check out the Books for Littles Lunar New Year collection on Bookshop for our most recent new year recommendations.

No more meek China Dolls

Xingling from The Nian Monster is the kick-ass Asian hero I’ve been searching for my whole life.

Growing up, I had ZERO kick-ass feminine Asian heroes. We had:

Meek Aja from Jem
Zany Claudia stuffing her face through The Babysitters Club
A light brown barbie doll with black hair and a European bone structure (I think she was supposed to be Hawaiian?)
And Deedee from the cheesy band, The Party.

(Just me? Do you guys remember that band? I had a poster and everything!)

They were okay, I guess.

And then I saw The Heroic Trio and I was like, “WHAAAAAT?! YES! MORE! – ALL OF IT!!!”

Clever, smart, conniving, even, these kick-ass Chinese women. And heroic! And it only took NINETEEN YEARS for this kind of powerful representation to show up for little Asian girls in picture books.

Spark Curiosity with…uhh. MAYHEM and DESTRUCTION!

I’ve read like a billion books on the lunar new year, and they are all dry and bland and cutesy. Dumplings. Grandmas. Lanterns. Lion Dancers. Noodles. Yawn.

AND THEN I FOUND THIS!!!!

It’s been a year since we got this book, and the kids still love it and ask to read it all the time. Both of the Little Earthquakes can’t get enough of it, and I’m still not tired of reading it.

As a modern spin on the folktale of the Nian, clever Xingling saves all of Shanghai from destruction in the new year by outwitting the fierce (and omg so adorable) Nian monster.

Working in some basics on celebrating the lunar new year, I was able to introduce these ideas to my kids without getting didactic and boring.

It was the perfect way to spin the terrifying story of a monster who wants to consume everything we hold dear into something my kids can get through with a giggle.

I love the (mild) mayhem and destruction, as people flee while clutching their cell phones. I love that the illustrator doesn’t resort to slant-eyes. I love the irreverent writing. I love that Xingling’s first instinct is to shout ‘Ai-ya!’ because it brings me back to my grandmother’s kitchen when I hear that.

The Problem with Chinese New Year

Now there’s an issue with celebrating the Lunar New Year in the US. It’s something I’ve fallen for, too, growing up ABC (American-born Chinese).

It uhh….never occurred to me until a couple years ago that the Lunar New Year doesn’t exclusively belong to the Chinese.

I’ve spent a couple years searching for more diverse representation in Lunar New Year traditions, and have found some decent ones worth exploring, listed below.

This way, we can teach our kids that the people of South/East Asia and the Pacific Islands aren’t just satellites of China, but rich and complex cultures that have a weight and significance all their own.

Awesome Lunar New Year Books

Arm yourself with a diverse range of experiences and traditions this lunar new year, and celebrate the death of the China-doll (and China-only) stereotype.

Captioned age ranges are for when my sons were able to understand and enjoy each story. The rest of the images in this post are book covers of titles referenced before the images.

*#OwnVoices Books by Asian Authors and/or illustrators are marked with an asterisk. This seems like a weird thing to highlight, since all the books in this collection are written or at least illustrated by Asian makers, but this is SO RARE for topics on disability and indigenous culture. Hmm… INTERESTING.

Ages 3+

*The Nian Monster (China – Shanghai)

THIS IS THE ABSOLUTE BEST. Engaging, witty, funny. A new spin on the Nian monster folktale set in modern-day Shanghai.

Xingling is a quick-thinker and tricks the Nian monster into delaying his devour(ation?) of the entire city.

Our favorite device, repeated through the book: “Nian stroked one pointy horn… ‘You are wise, little one. [I will eat] Noodles first, then you, then the city.”

I Just LOVE the ridiculously mischief of this story, with this clever trickster girl. I love the images of the Nian monster wrecking up the place and people fleeing while clutching cell phones. I love how adorable and non-frightening this terrifying monster is, and I want a plush version of him.

I love how the story connects the decorations and traditions and foods we eat and what it has to do with the traditional folktale, in a new way that gives a girl power and agency.

I love the modern landmarks of Shanghai, re-imagined with a giant monster destroying them. I love this damn book so damn much.

Ages 1.5-6

*Lunar New Year (Chinese New Year)

Illustrated by Alina Chau (same illustrator from The Nian Monster), but written by a white-presenting lady, this nice sturdy board book covers all the basics of Chinese New Year.

This book is the latest installment of the Celebrate The World holidays collection. Eliot has done a good job finding #OwnVoices illustrators for this series and I’m happy with all of them.

It’s well written, but…when I tried to read this adorable, didactic little book with the Earthquakes, they expected the excitement and adventure of Chau’s other books.

“On the first day of the Chinese calendar, the new moon is in the sky and the stars shine bright. It is time for a big celebration. This festival is known by many names: Chinese New Year, Spring Festival, and Lunar New Year. It marks the passage of the harvest season and celebrates the coming spring.”

You see what I mean? It’s inclusive, concise, and…boring. We haven’t managed to finish this since my kids toss it aside and head to the shelf to hunt for The Nian Monster. We’ve been spoiled.

Ages 9 months+

*New Clothes For New Year’s Day (Korean Seollal)

This one about the Korean New Year (Seollal) is a spectacular, simple book for littles.

The illustrations and story are engaging and beautiful. I am actually both bummed and baffled as to why this is the only book made by this author.

It’s also the only book that doesn’t mush all Eastern new-year celebrations together as if they are pale copycats of Chinese new year. This celebrated the beauty of Korean culture and allows the celebration to stand on its own.

The little girl in this story is excited to put on her new hanbok for New Year’s day! Such a sweet, simple book perfect for younger kids.

Ages 3+

*A New Year’s Reunion (Chinese New Year)

So this is a super cute story, but it’s also bittersweet and gives me FEELINGS that I’m not sure what to do with. I wish this book had a call to action – a specific act, an organization to reach out to.

We get a glimpse into a short few days in the life of a little girl (maybe 3ish) when she’s reunited with her father during Chinese New Year.

Her father is a migrant worker, which means he needs to travel hundreds (thousands?) of miles away to support his family, and they only see each other once a year for the holiday celebration.

::Initiate my silent, but constant, leak of tears::

Together, they do things mundane and transcendent – get haircuts, catch up on handy-work around the house, and snuggle together in bed, whispering late into the night.

We were walloped with the impact of migrant economies on families. We saw what it means to be mindful of every moment with someone we love, knowing it will end too soon.

Heartstrings -> pulled. I want this adorable little girl, with her stubby toddler legs and pudgy little cheeks to have her daddy every day. I want a better world for them.

I don’t know why I thought this was a problem only in America. Stories like Pancho Rabbit And The Coyote feel close-to-home. It feels like we have some control over the health and safety of migrant laborers by aiding local organizations. But ooof. This hardship is a global, human issue.

So for now, we’ll settle for reading stories like this to learn what’s going on. We’ll snuggle the babies we get to see every day. And we’ll keep fighting for economic equality and family rights. And we’ll teach our kids to fight for that, too.

You might also like: Galvanizing Books About Poverty That Inspire Kids To Give Back

Ages 3.5+

*Ten Mice For Têt! (Vietnamese Têt)

These iillustrations!

You can’t tell from the image online, but it looks like the artist embroidered the illustrations on every page of this book.

WHAAAT that is SO much work and such a labor of artistry!

The story is simple – it’s more of a counting book. From the story on its own, I can’t tell how Têt is any different than Chinese New Year, but the end-pages include some brief-but-helpful notes on the significance of the traditions on each page.

I wish these bits were included in the story, since that leaves the onus on adults to parse the end notes and explain it to kids (which means we don’t really NEED the book, just wikipedia). But it’s a good jumping off point.

Ages 4.5+

* Dragon New Year (Chinese New Year)

Oh! If your kids like traditional folktales, try this one too. I was a good runner-up, with some weight to it.

This author tends to do a story-within a story for his books, but it’s completely unnecessary and the outer story of a grandma and granddaughter are kind of boring. Q loved it (age 5.5), but only if we skipped the framing story around it.

The inner story is cool though – featuring a kick-ass elderly lady. Take THAT, ageism!

Mostly, my son loves it because it features a water dragon (his Chinese zodiac sign) and Buddha, who he’s been a fan of since he recently developed a love for anything having to do with The Monkey King.

Ages 3.5+

*Sam And The Lucky Money (Chinatown, US)

It’s rare to find a story that tells us a bit about cultural holidays without beating us over the head with traditions, foods, and details. I like that this story normalizes the lucky red envelopes we give to children on Chinese New Year, but I LOVE where the story takes it.

It always made me delighted-and-uncomfortable to receive lucky money on New Years. Yay, free money!

But also I get uncomfortable with getting gifts I didn’t earn (I guess it wouldn’t be a gift, then? The whole gift economy baffles me). In particular, it felt weird to get money just because I was a kid, when there were clearly more pressing, urgent matters adults needed cash for, like food and shelter.

So Sam gets $4 in his envelope, which is an inauspicious number in Chinese culture. So I guess the author was trying to make a point with the $4, but I’m not sure what it is.

He’s happy with it until he realizes that it won’t go far in a toy store. Cue inevitable grouchy entitled kid-behavior. Then he realizes that his $4 doesn’t seem like much to him – but it’s worth a lot to the homeless guy freezing outside with no shoes or socks on.

My only caveat for this story is those dated, bland, dreary illustrations popular in the 90’s, which turned the kids (and me) off.

It was good for a couple reads, but despite the helpful, timely moral while we celebrate the new year, they weren’t having it for more than a couple reads.

Ages 4.5+

*Dumpling Soup (Hawaii – US Island of Oahu)

A Hawaiian family on the island of Oahu celebrates the new year.

I’ll admit, this story is kind of didactic and boring, but it’s so rare to find a story featuring multiracial families, so I have to include it.

The family is mainly Korean, but includes Japanese, Chinese, Hawaiian & Haole (white) family members. They celebrate a mishmash new year together as a family, based mostly on Korean traditions.

Ages 6 months to 4 years

* Dragon Dance (China)

Throwing this in here not because it’s spectacular, but because of all the cutesy, didactic stories, this one held my toddler’s fascination better than the rest.

They cheat – there are flaps! But also the illustrations are cheery and cute, without stereotypical slant-eyes. The flaps are reasonably sturdy, so it works well for younger tots.

Ages 3.5+

The Seven Gods of Luck (Japan) – Problematic*

Still searching for a super-engaging story-based book featuring the Japanese new year, but for now, this kinda vanilla one will have to do.

Initially, I was not a huge fan of there being seven gods and the only woman is the goddess of beauty – but I was like, “Welp, patriarchy is a worldwide issue. Whatcha gonna do?”

After more research, I found that she’s actually the goddess of arts and knowledge, so why did the makers have to reduce her influence to just beauty?

And now I’m just angry. Why did this dude have to DO that?!

Ages 4+

*Japanese Traditions (Japan)

Oh gosh I’m dying, this is SUPER adorable. All the characters are kittens and cats. It’s not really about the Lunar New Year specifically – BUT COME ON. CATS.

The author goes through each month highlighting popular traditions and celebrations, plus everyday games they’d do for fun in the coldest days of winter, how they’d stay warm, crafts, games, typical dinners, seasonal activities and festivals. The end of book even has some search & find items.

This book must have taken forever to illustrate, and it’s so well thought-out you could plan a year around it. SO GOOD. So cute! ALSO: CATS!

(I like cats.)

Ages 3.5+

*This Next New Year (US – Multiracial Korean & Chinese character with friends of various ethnicities)

Another multiracial one! But also – still kiiiinda boring!

‘This Next New Year’ features a Korean/Chinese boy celebrating the new year, as well as his non-Chinese friends integrating their own spin on the lunar new year festivities.

Some of them are a little appropriation-y (like the French/German friend who gets Thai takeout to celebrate what we consider a significant cultural holiday) but the premise aims for inclusion.

Okay. Sure.

*New Year (USA)

Lo’s illustrations are gorgeous as usual. Centered on a recent immigrant from China to California, this is based on the author’s story from childhood. Both my 4.5 & 6.5-year-olds got sense of what it might feel like- and how embarrassing and unpleasant it is – to be the only kid who doesn’t speak the common language in a new school.

What I love most about this (aside from the author’s use of Cantonese “Gong hei fa choi!” when so many other books center Mandarin as the default language), is how he chose to show the American-Born Chinese (ABC) student’s reluctance to talk to him. How she resented being seated next to him and being saddled as his Cantonese interpreter.

I discussed with my kids how it felt as a kid to be the only Asian in a sea of white faces, and how pressured we feel to assimilate and not be seen as ‘the other.’ What it feels like when, as the only Asian kid in the class, teachers assume that we’ll automatically be friends with the other Asian kids. The author handles both the ABC and FOB (fresh off the boat) perspective well – and it gives us lots to talk about.

Stay Curious, Stand Brave & 恭禧發財!

This page is no longer updated, so visit the Books for Littles Expanded Lunar New Year Recommended Reading List, where I add new recommended Lunar New Year books each year.

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February 1, 2015 2 comments

illustration of three nonbinary people with brown skin

Book Collections

Talking With Kids About The Gender Spectrum – Inclusive Picture Books

by Ashia June 1, 2014

written by Ashia

[Image description: Illustration from They, She, He, Me: Free To Be!, by Maya Gonzalez. Three smiling people with light-brown skin of nonbinary gender, with dark hair of different lengths and green and white clothing.]

Not sure how to explain the difference between sex and gender with your kids? If you’re looking for inclusive, age-appropriate, and body-positive books to understand the difference between assigned-sex-at-birth and gender, this picture-book guide is for you.

105: Talking With Kids About Gender

Building A Framework Of Acceptance & Inclusion

Genitals and assigned sex at birth don’t automatically determine a person’s gender. I’ve explained that to my kids countless times, but we hadn’t gone over the many (MANY) things the outside world teaches them to assume are innately masculine or feminine, like facial hair.

Expansive books on the spectrum and fluidity of gender give my kids a safe, age-appropriate space to question the rigid binary messages they’ve been told. Thanks to these books, they continue to think critically about why only some kids are allowed to own their masculinity and femininity.

It gives them the courage to challenge these assumptions.

From left-to-right, and top-to-bottom, you can introduce these books in a pace that feels right to you, answering kids’ questions as they go. If you’re not ready for these books yet, check out our basic books on anatomy and body awareness, then come back here.

They She He Me (pronouns, nonbinary, gender fluidity & spectrum, breaking gender constructs)
Introducing Teddy (transgender)
Red (transgender, invisible disabilities)
From the Stars In The Sky To The Fish In The Sea (nonbinary, gender fluidity)
Worm Loves Worm (nonbinary, gender fluidity, marriage rights)
Neither (nonbinary, spectrum)
*A Princess Of Great Daring (transgender, breaking gender constructs
Lovely (gender spectrum, breaking gender constructs)
I Am Jazz (transgender, women’s history)
The Gender Wheel* (nonbinary, gender fluidity & spectrum, whitewashing, colonization, breaking gender constructs)
*47,000 Beads (nonbinary, two-spirit) – Only available in a 6-book set with other Flamingo Rampant books, unless you can catch it while it’s sold as a book-of-the-month.
George (transgender, chapter book for older readers)

*Disclosure: I got access to a free digital version of ‘A Princess of Great Daring’ & ‘47,000 Beads’ from the publisher, Flamingo Rampant.

Ages 2+

Ages 3-6

Ages 2.5+

Ages 3+

Ages 3.5+

Ages 2.5+

Age: Unsure, didn’t test with my kids

Ages 3+

Ages 4+

Ages 5.5+

Ages 5+

Ages 8+

The only book that shows genitals is The Gender Wheel – and the reading level is for older kids anyway. The product page guide says 4-8, but the flowery, didactic text is probably best for ages 5.5+. (Or older, if you’ve got spirited kids who can’t sit through didactic books.) By the time your kids are old enough for it, you’ll be ready to say words like ‘penis’ and ‘vagina’ out loud. Go ahead and start practicing now. It gets easier.

VULVA. See? Six years ago there’s now way I would have typed that on my website. Progress! Destigmatizing! Shameless!

I used to recommend Who Are You as a starter book for preschoolers, but I recently found out that white cisgender authors plagiarized The Gender Wheel, appropriating and whitewashing the labor of Maya Christina Gonzalez, a queer Chicana woman. (…Yeah.) Don’t buy it, and don’t check it out of the library (libraries track that). Let it fade into obliviousness.

Breaking Gender Constructs

Books featuring kids using binary pronouns, empowered and self-accepting while breaking cultural gender norms. This mainly focuses on kids who use male pronouns, since breaking gender constructs is increasingly already acceptable for girls & women.

Most of these books are validating – meaning they are meant to show kids that they are not alone, be careful and ad-lib when reading these to kids who haven’t already internalized gender constructs. I’m particularly cautious about how we read lines such as “Girls can be doctors, too,” which suggest that gender roles are normal and this one character is an outlier. Nah.

Kids using he/him/his

Validating books about boys rockin’ skirts: Jacob’s New Dress and Morris Micklewhite And The Tangerine Dress are both wonderful. My younger son and I prefer the illustrationsand dreamy quality of Morris, but my son connected with Jacob’s Dress easier. Sparkle Boy had some unrealistic sibling conflict resolution and centered the feelings of a bigoted sister, so I’m not a huge fan of it, even though it does normalize a multi-ethnic family (Latinx/white). My Princess boy featured some creepy faceless characters and the story was solidly meh? although we did like the real-life photos at the end. 10,000 Dresses was solidly bizarre, confusing, negative, and a little creepy in execution, so I’d read that one with caution. I liked the idea behind One Of A Kind, Like Me, but we found the story disengaging. Reading it was kind of like running a very boring, yet stressful, shopping errand.

See our reader discussion on Julián is a Mermaid. While it’s still a lovely book I recommend, we need to be aware of some cultural whitewashing.

The Boy & The Bindi, Want To Play Trucks? What Can A Citizen Do (caveat, this book runs of the rails a little. The weird bear citizen kinda ruins the message.), Charlie & Mouse (Mouse wears a tutu, it’s no big deal), Teddy’s Favorite Toy.

You Might Like: 6 Mistakes We Make Raising Boys: Preventing Sexual Assault

Kids using she/her/hers

The Ballad of Mulan, Phoebe & Digger, The Paper Bag Princess, Teeny Tiny Toady, Lucía the Luchadora, Drum Dream Girl

Also decent, but not pictured because they were less engaging and we’re running out of space: Not All Princesses Dress In Pink, What Do Grown-Ups Do All Day, A Fire Engine For Ruthie, Beautiful.

You might also like: Boys Need Books About Girls: Normalizing Kickass Girls Of Color

Stay Curious, Stand Brave & Let Your Kids Be Happy

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June 1, 2014 0 comments

Book Analysis

Keeping Women In The Kitchen with ‘Jimmy Zangwow’

by Ashia March 1, 2014

written by Ashia

Sharing this post on social media? Use this image description to make it accessible. [Image description: Illustration from ‘Jimmy Zangwow’s Out-of-This-World Moon-Pie Adventure’ by Tony DiTerlizzi. Jimmy stands in the kitchen and looks up at his mother, whose head is cut out of the frame. Mom addresses Jimmy wearing a dress, house slippers, an oven mit, and wields a wooden spoon dripping with green glop.’]

Jimmy Zangwow’s Out-Of-This-World Moon-Pie Adventure

Picture Book, Best for (exposing sexism & erasure with) kiddos 2.5+

Keep Raising Luminaries & Books for Littles free and accessible for readers who can’t afford a paywall.

If we’re not looking closely, this seems like a fantastic adventure

With a tiny bit of a fright and suspense (easily tempered with a silly voice for the ‘monster’ who turns out to be a nice guy) and some great elements of sharing and playing make-pretend.

The only downside is out of 1003 characters – there’s only a single, faceless woman

And it’s Jimmy’s mom, who appears from the shoulders down only, in the kitchen, wearing an apron and house slippers.

This book was written in 2000 and it’s a great example of fun adventure romps that forget that kids of all genders like to see themselves reflected in whimsical adventures. And to see that women have roles outside of motherhood.

Question: Do you read as many children’s books normalizing girls of color as you do that feature white dudes?

Parenting is Praxis

For a lack of fun adventures with a diverse cast, we read this book together when Q was little – before we were able to find the tiny handful of books featuring trans and gender-fluid characters.

I cobbled a quick-fix with this with replacing ‘Jimmy‘ with ‘Janey,’ asserting that Janey was gender creative.

But gosh, after reading thousands of adventure stories filled with daring white boys, am I sick of having to edit on the fly as I read. Eventually, we just donated the book. It’s exhausting to do all those mental gymnastics. That kind of emotional labor – trying to insert ourselves back into a world that pretends we don’t exist – it’s draining.

I still haven’t found anything quite like Jimmy Zangwow that grabs such a sense of adventure and absurdity.

We’ve had an explosion of books featuring girls of color in the last few years. A small cohort of protagonists who are almost overwhelmingly Black girls with light skin and tightly regulated hair. Almost entirely written by white authors, pages filled by white illustrators.

Many of them are great! But there’s always something underneath them – a lesson on the scientific method, mindfulness, patience, the gift of rich melanation. I can’t think of any books featuring girls of color who just do whimsical shit like fly to the moon in a DIY jalopy.

You might like: Understanding the gender spectrum with kids books

This is your go-to book for…

Showing kids the role of erasure in normalized oppression
I repeat – ONE THOUSAND AND THREE CHARACTERS, and only one of them is a faceless woman, slipper-footed in the damn kitchen, and she didn’t even get the dignity of having the back of her head in the frame.
Talking about sharing & sacrifice
There is a nice little element in here where Jimmy gives up his cookie for others.
Discussing sexism – who’s role is it to get dinner on the damn table?
Mom’s got a full stove on and it looks like she’s barely keeping it together. Why isn’t Jimmy helping out?

I’d read this in rotation along with…

Any damn book where everybody is white, abled, thin, young, straight, comfortably wealthy, etc. Really all you need to do is pick up the closest book and ask your kids – who is missing?

You might also like: Are you complicit in the white supremacy of kids’ literature? Understanding & Subverting Gatekeeping with Zetta Elliott

Is this #OwnVoices?

Author & Illustrator: Tony DiTerlizzi (he/him)

Sure. At least he’s not trying to be something he’s not. And unlike many white authors who have tried to make a half-assed attempt at diverse inclusion, at least he’s consistent. DiTerlizzi’s picture book universe consists of, and revolves around, white boys. A supremacist utopia where anyone else is just an accessory or an obstacle.

He’s even got an enticing story about victim-blaming, where a daffy lady fly (a uniquely feminine trope of being both oblivious and delicate) falls into the trap of a nefarious master-manipulator spider. The story is engaging, suspenseful, and fun to read! Except for that pesky message.

If she didn’t want to get eaten, she shouldn’t politely accepted an invitation from a neighbor, talk to or make friends with men, ever be alone with a man, or hesitate to say ‘Stop. I’m getting uncomfortable, I’m leaving now.’

Or just like, I dunno – put the responsibility on a man not to attack a woman just ’cause she exists, and he can?

She should have stayed in her own damn kitchen! How dare that lady fly fulfill all of the social training women are are pressured to do so she can stay in our society, and then get killed for it! What a dippy dame. ( <- Sarcasm.)

I emailed him to ask (very nicely!) about why he doesn’t include women in his books, years ago. He didn’t reply.

Learn more about #OwnVoices, coined by Corinne Duyvis.

'Jimmy Zangwow' Analysis & Review

Courage

1
Brilliance

6
Representation

1
Engagement

10
Wildcard: Reduction of women to house slippers and oven mitts

1

The Goods

Decent scene of sharing & sacrifice
The perceived 'monster' is vulnerable and open
Whimsical and adventurous
It's fun to read!

The Bads

1,003 characters, and only one is (part of) a woman
...That's 0.09% of the cast
...Isolated in a kitchen
...Objectified so hard her *head* doesn't warrant representation

3.8

Average Score

How we calculate the overall awesomeness score of books.

Transparency & Cahoots!

I purchased a used copy of this book a long time ago, and then donated it to our local library when we were done (which we also support with donations). We screened it with my kiddos roughly at ages 2-3. This post was originally on the BFL Facebook group (now retired) in 12/20/2014.

Stay Curious, Stand Brave, and Support Community Libraries

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March 1, 2014 1 comment

Illustration of multiracial Latina girl in sparkly costume

Book Collections

Does Your Child’s Bookshelf Pass The Uhura Test?

by Ashia February 1, 2014

written by Ashia

[Image Descriptions: Illustration from the inner pages of ‘Starring Carmen’ by Anika Denise & Lorena Alvarez Gomez, featuring a confident multiracial Black & Latina wearing a sparkly caped costume, waving two star-studded wands in the air.]

In this post: Fun-to-read kids books starring girls of color – focusing on agency and adventure, not race and gender

Do you read as many children’s books celebrating girls of color as you do that feature white dudes?

As I send my (tall, gorgeous, able-bodied, light-skinned) kids out into the world of classrooms and social events, it’s my job to keep them aware of this human tendency to idealize themselves and to only pick kids who look like them for the kickball team.

I don’t want my white-presenting kids ignoring, talking over, and objectifying women of color as they grow up. If I don’t take action now to counter the assumption that everything centers around white men – if I don’t show my sons that girls of color are peers and equals, that youthful entitlement will grow into something far more dangerous.

Books about girls are not just for girls.

Our boys (actually…girls and non-binary kids, too) must learn that all genders have a right to take up space and are worth listening to, even when they’re not acting ‘like boys.’ They need to learn that the things that matter to girls matter.

This same concept goes for all targeted identities – even modern stories teach kids to believe in a weird system of gender, race, and the roles we’re ‘naturally’ supposed to take. It’s up to us as parents and educators to expose and discuss these myths and stereotypes.

Normalizing kids of color in universal stories

Let’s learn from history and teach our kids to identify inequity. But if oppression is all the only narrative we show them, if every book featuring a Black character is about slavery and the civil rights movement, our kids will believe this false hierarchy of races is the mandate of heaven.

Systemic racism and sexism isn’t determined by white male superiority – it’s determined by greed, hate, and entrenched oppression. Uneven representation teaches our kids that people of color have a place in kids books only when they’re set apart from every day adventures and stories about our shared experiences.

This is incorrect. This is dangerous.

All kids need oodles of stories where girls of color don’t have to justify their existence – where every message isn’t about racism, sexism, and a tourist view of foreign lands. Even white boys – especially white boys – need to see girls of color who are valuable, powerful, and unique.

The Uhura Test: Making Space For Peers & Equals

The Uhura test makes space for regular kids who just happen to be girls of color.

We’re looking for engaging, fun-to-read, normalizing books – which should outnumber stories featuring white boys on our shelves if we’re going to counteract the idealization of masculine whiteness. You know – the message embedded in truck books that only feature male pronouns, adventure stories full of daring boys and their moms and girlfriends, or the token stories featuring a brown girl in the background for diversity-points.

Do your bedtime stories pass the Uhura test?

Do girls of color have agency?
The protagonist is a girl (or non-binary) human of color who has agency in her own story. Not a supporting character, not a victim to be saved, not a racially coded wise Chinese panda, and not a manic pixie dream girl to be won like a trophy.
Do makers write from lived experience, or do they acknowledge and search to fill gaps in their knowledge?
Nothing overrides lived experience. The maker is a woman of color and/or consulted women who share the character’s identity to avoid stereotypes, problematic plot devices, and exploitation.
Books by women & nonbinary authors and illustrators of color are *marked and in bold in this post.
Is the plot engaging with universal appeal?
The story was written for all kids to enjoy and identify with. None of this ‘Bedtime stories for girls‘ or ‘Potty training – the Black version’ bullshit, implying the only contribution women have made in history are for other women, or that white folks can’t connect with a story unless they match the characters.
Does the message connect ‘us,’ rather than othering ‘them?’
Stories written to educate us on a new perspective or validate and empower targeted kids are both helpful, but these are would be explicitly educational and validating – tools we will cover later. These stories speak to the human condition – that which connects us, from lost teeth and sibling rivalry to the excitement of exploration.
Are girls of color valuable and successful outside the gaze of white supremacy?
Our culture defines success and power as more white/masculine/non-disabled/cisgender/etc. The presumption is: to be a real hero, she’d behave like a white dude. To be more beautiful, she’d have lighter skin. To be smarter, she’d speak without an accent in ‘proper’ English. Dismantling he supremacy of our kyriarchy requires we back up and evaluate how super (cough cough: supreme) heroes really behave. So none of this ‘She’s not like the other girls‘ or ‘noble savage‘ nonsense.

*Books by women of color (author and/or illustrator) are bold and marked (*) and gender non-binary characters are noted, too. My resources for identifying makers of color are limited, so apologies if/when I make mistakes. If you find an error, leave a comment and I’ll fix it.

Adventure & Superheroes

*’Moon Girl and Devil Dinosaur, Volume 1: BFF,’ *’Thunder Rose,’ and ‘Stand Tall, Molly Lou Melon‘

Caveat on violence: ‘Moon Girl & Devil Dinosaur contains classic comic-style smashes & bashes and ‘Stand Tall Molly Lou Melon’ includes a scene where she bowls over a bully using her powerful voice.

Ages 5.5+

Ages 4+

Ages 3.5+

Ironheart, Vol 1., What’s My Superpower?, Be A Star, Wonder Woman

Caveat on violence: ‘Ironheart’ features a graphic death of drive-by shooting (sparked discussion on senseless gun violence with my 5yo) and here are. some. articles on what we need to be cautious of in representing young Black girls terms of sexualization, maturity, and colorism in comics – you’ll want to keep these in mind as you read this with kids.

Ages 5.5+

Ages 3.5+

Ages 2.5+

STEM – Science, Technology, Engineering & Math

‘Ada Twist, Scientist,’ ‘Little Robot,’ and ‘Fix It!‘ (non-binary)

Ages 3.5+

Ages 3+

Ages 1-4

‘Zoey & Sassafras‘ & *’My Friend Robot!,’ and *’Baby Loves Aerospace Engineering‘ (non-binary)

Ages 5.5+

Ages 2.5+

‘Normal Norman,’ ‘Oh No!,’ ‘Oh No! Not Again!,’ Izzy Gizmo

Ages 4+

Ages 5+

Ages 4+

Animals & Fantastic Creatures

*’Marta Big & Small,’ ‘If I Had A Gryphon,’ and *’Raising Dragons‘

Ages 2.5+

Ages 3.5+

Ages 4.5+

Hello Goodbye Dog, The Rabbit Listened (non-binary), The Little Little Girl With The Big Voice (which might be problematic since it plays into stereotypes about ‘loud’ black women. I’ll let you decide.)

Ages 3.5+

Ages 3+

*The Fog, The Princess And The Pony, *Mela And The Elephant

Ages 4.5+

Ages 4+

Off & Away

Ages 4+

Sibling Issues – New Baby & Rivalry

‘Hey Little Baby!,’ *’Starring Carmen!,’ and ‘Lola Reads To Leo‘

Ages 1.5+

Ages 3.5+

Ages 2+

*’Double Trouble,’ ‘Phoebe & Digger,’ ‘15 Things Not To Do With A Baby.’

Ages 2.5+

Ages 2+

*’Singing Sisters – A Story of Humility,’ *‘Big Red Lollipop,’ & ‘I’m Big Now‘

Ages 5+

Ages 4+

Ages 2+

‘Waiting For Baby,’ and ‘Look At Me!‘ (both non-binary), You Can Do It Too!

Ages 1-3.5y

Ages 1-4y

18 months+

You might also like: Circumventing White Fragiity With Bharat Babies

Loquacious & Literary Heroes

‘Lola at the Library,’ *’One World From Sophia,’ and ‘The Library Book‘

Caveat: ‘One Word From Sophia’ features a hyperlexic multiracial girl – which is awesome, but her family urges her to reduce her logical arguments to a simple ‘please,’ and I’m not thrilled about that.

Ages 2+

Ages 4.5+

Ages 1+

Re-occuring Series

*’Anna Hibiscus,’ ‘Zoey & Sassafras,’ Wong Herbert Yee’s season series.

The classic ‘Anna Hibiscus’ series also has a spin-off set of books for toddlers, too.

Ages 4.5+

Ages 5+

Ages 2+

*’Marisol McDonald,’ ‘Lola,’ ‘Molly Lou Melon‘

Ages 3.5+

Ages 2+

Ages 3.5+

Kenard Pak’s Season Series, What If (maybe not for suggestible, destructive kids like mine – she rips down the wallpaper and carves the furniture into a boat)

Ages 3-6

Ages 4+

Tenacious & Clever

‘Little Red and the Very Hungry Lion,’ ‘Smelly Socks,’ *’I Had A Favorite Hat‘

Ages 3.5+

Ages 4+

‘One Grain Of Rice,’ and *Hana Hashimoto, Natsumi

Ages 5+

Ages 4.5+

Ages 4+

*The Umbrella Queen, *The Big Bed, *Imani’s Moon

Ages 4+

Ages 6+

Ages 3.5+

Brave, Courageous & Kind

‘Come With Me,’ ‘Smallest Girl In The Smallest Grade,’ ‘The Perfect Orange‘ (Some issues of consent with this one – The Great Nigus insists on providing a thank-you gift in exchange for the protagonist’s kindness, and my 5-year-old pointed out that he should have honored the her wishes when she insisted she didn’t want any – I’ve come to agree with him.)

Ages 4.5+

Ages 3.5+

Ages 4+

*’Never Give Up,‘ *’What’s My Superpower?‘ & ‘The Thing Lou Couldn’t Do‘

Ages 5+

Ages 3.5+

Ages 4+

I Walk With Vanessa, Nessa’s Fish

Ages 4+

Ages 3.5+

Rhythms of Nature

‘Come on, Rain!, ‘The Rain Stomper‘ and ‘Home In The Rain‘

Ages 4+

Ages 4.5+

Ages 3.5+

*They Say Blue

Ordinary Kid Life & Daily Obstacles

*My Good Morning, *’Girl Of Mine, I Can Do It Too!

Ages 2.5-6

Ages 6m-4y

Ages 1-3.5

*’Splash, Anna Hibiscus!,‘ *’Bubbles, Bubbles,’ and ‘Hospital‘

Ages 3+

Ages 6m-5y

Ages 1-5

‘The Airport Book’ *’This Is Our House,’ & *’Juna’s Jar‘

Ages 3+

Ages 4+

Ages 3.5+

When’s My Birthday?, *Away

Ages 2+

Ages 6+

Aspiring Chefs

‘Cook It!,’ *’Bee Bim Bop,’ and ‘Baby Cakes’

Ages 1-4

Ages 2.5+

Ages 1-3.5

Want even more books normalizing girls of color?

Some more books that didn’t make my ‘favorites’ list, but you might enjoy:

For Kindergartners & Up: Ages 5 through elementary

*Nightlights – Too scary for my kids, but I am SO READY to read this once they’re old enough.
*Katana at Super Hero High – Too advanced for us to screen, but we desperately need more super-hero girls of color.
*Jojo’s Flying Sidekick – Worth a read or two, I love the premise but the story is clunky.
*Silly Chicken – Heart-wrenching metaphor for sibling jealousy with themes of death, the hardships of single-parenting, and scarce resources. Not for everyone, but one of my favorite authors and this book is deceptively complex and beautiful.
*Destiny’s Gift – Not engaging for us, but I like the premise of community activism.
Katie Woo series – I find this series terribly boring, but Asian protagonists are rare enough that I will accept boring for now.
Rachel Parker, Kindergarten Show-Off – Great premise of social awareness, kinda lumpy writing.

Not Recommended – Problematic books to avoid

~~Mitzi Tulane~~ & ~~Orange Peel Pocket~~: White-saviorism written by parents of trans-racial adoptees. Ugh.
~~I Drive A Snow Plow~~ – This boring book featuring a woman of color truck driver (Rare! Soooo rare!) was worth noting until I realized the fear-mongering fake-science ‘anti-autism warrior parent’ author thinks people like me are an ‘epidemic’ and should be prevented from being born. Sooo… nope. Screw that noise.
~~Fussy Freya~~ – Shitty behavior, shitty parenting, and food-shaming jokes step a bit too close classism.
~~Monster Trouble~~ – So cute, except for the lesson that we have the right to hug others without consent. Bummer.
*America Vol. 1: The Life and Times of America Chavez – I wanted to love this, but it’s ham-fisted and clumsy, and (unintentionally) reads like a social-justice-warrior parody mocking progressive women of color.

Stay Curious, Stand Brave & Represent

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February 1, 2014 7 comments

Book Analysis

Using Marginalized Folks As a Faux-Feminist Footstool With ‘Punxsutawney Phyllis’

by Ashia January 15, 2014

written by Ashia

Sharing this post on social media? Use this description to make it accessible: [Image description: Illustration from ‘Punxsutawney Phyllis, by Susanna Leonard Hill & Jeffrey Ebbeler . Phyllis, a groundhog exploring the winter landscape wearing winter garb, enjoys a spring zephyr. Behind her, Uncle Phil, wearing a vest and overcoat, manages spectacles that have been blown off his face.”]

Punxsutawney Phyllis

Picture book, recommended for ages 6-8, with reservations

Keep Raising Luminaries & Books for Littles free and accessible for readers who can’t afford a paywall.

I don’t mean to brag (which of course means that I DO)

…But I have personally met and conversed with one of America’s biggest celebrities, Punxsutawney Phil. I wanted to shake his paw, but his bodyguards wouldn’t let me. (Apparently he bites.)

All of this is irrelevant, but he’s the only celebrity I’ve ever met and I look for ways to drop his name into everyday conversation and it’s surprisingly hard to do. Also – did you know he lives in a library?!!

Ahhh, finally… a kids’ book about gender discrimination in the workplace!

Uncle Phil is due for retirement, and it looks like one of the Punxatawney nephews is gonna have to step up to take over the family tradition.

Phyllis wants the job, but she’s not allowed. It doesn’t matter that all the boys in her family have little interest and are lazybutts. Phyllis, despite showing a lifelong passion for the family trade, can’t even apply, cause she’s a girl.

(Wouldn’t it be nice of gender-based hiring discrimination was blatantly obvious like that? And not coded in terms of ‘personality’ or ‘a good fit’ or ‘boobs too distracting for an office environment’ or ‘might get pregnant one day’ and other crap that gets thrown out of court?)

This gumptiony hogglet wakes earlier, works harder, does everything better, backward, and in heels – but no dice. Because SEXISM. Not until she proves her competence with overwhelming evidence does anyone even entertain the idea that Phyllis can do the job.

So this is a great book to discuss not only nepotism and sexism (this national position comes with influence and power – why aren’t we looking outside the burrow for candidates?!), but also how we place the burden of proving competence on targeted folks, while assuming mediocre legacy dudes are born for greatness.

Wait let me ruin this for you though

Perfect vehicle to discuss gender discrimination in the workplace aside – this book has several problems. This story serves double-duty – Phyllis’s story shows us how single-issue feminism (cough cough, white feminism) uses other targeted identities within the kyriarchy as footstools to compete for power

(CUT IT OUT! It doesn’t work! No one wins in a game of supremacy!)

Exceptionalism: “Phyllis was not like the other groundhogs”

Phyllis is not like the other groundhogs is because she likes to go out in winter and doesn’t hibernate. Even though we’re not supposed to see it as a ‘not like the other girls‘ gendered thing – it’s such a common, loaded phrase that I find it impossible to untangle ‘not like the other…‘ from the history of how it’s used to tear down women and other targeted identities.

We love to weaponize the ‘not like the other girls‘ trope to play into the supremacist notion of exceptionalism.

You’ll find this phrase most often in books about girls, written by men, such as Meltzer’s Ordinary People Change the World series. It’s a sneaky way to lift up one exceptional hero, an exception to the rule – while reinforcing the stereotype against everyone else with the hero’s identity.

Most often a girl, by virtue of her ability to assimilate into toxic masculinity, she proves that all girls really are frilly worthless garbage bags, or whatever.

Gender aside – Phyllis is not like the other groundhogs because she doesn’t hibernate. We’re arguing for unhealthy work practices in the name of productivity over self-care (PHYLLIS, YOUR #RESTISRESISTANCE!!!). Despite the deviation, toxic work compulsions are a shitty thing to reinforce – suggesting that girls who work 100x harder than anyone else are the only ones who should be admitted into the boys club.

That ‘not like the others‘ rubbish has done so much damage in the service for respectability over dignity, why does it need to be there?

Ageism & Ableism: “Phil’s still asleep! I’m afraid he’s getting too old for the job.”

We didn’t catch this early on, but as we explore ageism and bias against older adults, let’s discuss how the author leverages stigma against older adults in the name of [young, abled, nationalistic] feminism.

Is Phil truly unable to do his job anymore? Or are we just assuming he’s no longer equipped because his slower pace and aging senses make him unfit to work? What about his years of on-the-job training, the wisdom he’s gathered from years of experience? Are we just gonna ignore those?

Given the way our society treats older adults as disposable, burdensome barriers to cheap industry – we should be talking with our kids about how we force older adults to retire in poverty so we can replace them with newer (cheaper) workers – and the wider harm this causes to the inter-generational community.

When we see some people as worthless, and burdensome, it gets a little easier to do horrible things to them, including excusing elder abuse and patricide. So when Phyllis comes up with the asshole plan to punish uncle Phil for needing extra sleep by dumping a bucket of snow and slush on him (that is elder abuse!!!) her family thinks that’s just brilliant.

The author goes on to prove Phil’s incompetence by loading up that boring old 1-2-PUNCH of ableism and ageism. Need more sleep than other people? Are you experiencing deaf gain, or need to bump up your glasses prescription? Having trouble with your sense of smell? ALL OF THESE ARE FORMS OF ACQUIRED DISABILITY. And none of them are grounds for coerced retirement!

If we’re gonna argue that older adults are worse at their jobs because of their aging bodies and acquired disabilities, are we also arguing that every groundhog with Phil’s disabilities should also be rejected for the job?

DUDE, we have technology now! There is more to meteorology than smelling the air! I know this sounds like a slippery slope argument – but seriously, folks with disabilities are effective at their jobs. Needing accommodations or an assistant shouldn’t preclude you from employment. And it’s certainly not a punishable offense that justifies abuse.

Fatmisia: Pete the incompetent fat cousin

Through the story, the women groundhogs are thin and waifish compared to the men. The men, however, range in body shape, from short and squat to tall and rotund.

Obviously, that’s messed up that all girls have to stay lithe while the men in the family can take any shape they damn please – but let’s pay attention for a moment to who gets to be fat.

Uncle Phil – who we already covered has committed the punishable offense of sleeping too late (lazybones!) is a bit bottom-heavy. Phyllis herself is allowed a bit more chub than the adult women in the family (although that could just be her winter coat).

But the Pete, the fattest character, is supposed to draw our ire. Since we can’t hate on doddering old Uncle Phil, Pete fulfills the personification of our incompetent, lazy, trust fund cousin who relies on being born with blue blood and a dick to sail through life. Pete takes every chance to mock and belittle her. Pete does nothing but nap and hang out in the living room. Pete whines. Pete is at least three Grampa Punxsutawneys wide. Pete is unambiguously fat, and his fatness serves no purpose other than to show how undeserving he is.

And the illustrator gives us a fat Pete because ha ha, don’t you get it? Fat means LAZY and INCOMPETENT in cartoon humor land! :::DEEP FRUSTRATED SIGH:::

Unpack this book in rotation with…

Is this #OwnVoices?

Author: Susanna Leonard Hill (she/her)
Illustrator: Jeffrey Ebbeler (he/him)

I mean… Leonard Hill is a college-educated white woman who had access to shit like horses as a child ($$$) working in kidlit publishing. The kidlit industry still subject to sexism, but still relatively accessible to wealthy college-educated white women.

However, to the best of my knowledge, neither Leonard Hill nor Ebbler are groundhogs, nor do they appear to identify with older adults, fat folks, or folks denied employment due to physical disability.

So I’m gonna say… sure, this an obliviously deep #OwnVoices story of growing up with the singular concerns of a wealthy white feminist doing the bare minimum to grab the family reigns of generational privilege, influence, and clout.

Learn more about #OwnVoices, coined by autistic author Corinne Duyvis

Punxsutawney Phyllis

Courage

2
Brilliance

6
Representation

1
Engagement

8
Narrow Exceptionalism

1

The Goods

Takes advantage of annual interest in Groundhog Day to discuss gender discrimination in hiring
Clarifies a few common microaggressions against ambitious girls

The Bads

Fatmisia
Ageism against older adults
Ableism against folks with acquired disabilities
Elder abuse

3.6

Average Score

How we calculate the overall awesomeness score of books.

Stay Curious, Stand Brave, and Don’t Use Targeted Folks As Your Footstool

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But if your resources are limited – support the Autism Women & Nonbinary network first.

Gender equality for women can’t come at the expense of older, disabled, BIPOC, and trans and nonbinary femmes. Support intersectionally responsible organizations that fight for employment and wage equity for all.

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January 15, 2014 0 comments

Newer Posts

Older Posts

Gender Spectrum

2022 Update: Content warning for sexualization and grooming of children

Rachel’s Christmas Boat

When Lulu’s Dad tells her that she’s going to change her name to Rachel, does Lulu:

Rachel’s transition isn’t about Lulu

You might also like:

Is this book #OwnVoices?

Transparency & Cahoots

Stay Curious, Stand Brave, and Protect Trans Kids

What a fun way to end school celebrations of genocide

Trusting kids with the ‘both…and’ of history’s horrors and the joy we need to survive it

Shade on victim-blaming

But what about this federal holiday celebrating a supremacist Columbus as an Italian American?

You might also like: How the myth of ‘Reverse Racism’ reinforces white supremacy

And in true model-minority fashion, it worked. For a time.

Italian Americans demand better representation

You might also like: How to Subvert Racist Gate-keeping in Education

Parenting is Praxis:

You might also like: Kids Books Dismantling The Myth of a ‘First Thanksgiving’

Read this book along with…

You may also like: Following Indigenous Leadership in Climate Justice

Is this #OwnVoices?

Transparency & Cahoots!

You should definitely check out: The Indigenous Peoples’ Day Family Action Toolkit

Stay Curious, Stand Brave, and Support Indigenous Voting Rights

First Talks About Body Boundaries

204: Preventing Sexual Assault

We’re not raising ‘Nice Guys.’ We’re raising predators.

Every single one of those girls will be sexually assaulted or harassed before she’s 20.

Mistake #1: Believing our perfect sons are incapable of bad choices

FIX IT NOW: Model non-toxic masculinity

You might also like: Whining, Tantrums & Angry Outbursts: Picture Books To Help Kids Embrace big Feelings and Chill

Mistake #2: Equating ‘politeness‘ with ‘respect‘

NOPE. We teach our sons not to rape people…by teaching them not to rape people.

FIX IT NOW: Teach your sons that women are people, not objects. What matters to girls matters.

You might also like: Kickass Books That Pass The Uhura Test – Kickass Books Normalizing Girls Of Color

Mistake #3: We Keep Going When They Say ‘Stop’

FIX IT NOW: Practice giving and respecting consent from birth

You Might Also Like: Talking About Consent With Kids – Setting Healthy Boundariesand Accepting ‘NO.’

Mistake #4: Because I Say So.

FIX IT NOW: Teach kids to challenge questionable authority

You might also like: Kids Books About Resistance for Courageous Kids

Mistake #5: Creating Loopholes

FIX IT NOW: Teach kids to take responsibility for their actions

Mistake #6: We Stay Silent When Things Feel Off

FIX IT NOW: Stop making excuses – and start identifying and discussing problematic behavior

Examples of mutual, affirmative, enthusiastic consent

You Might Also Like: Raising Tomorrow’s Fathers – Children’s Books Featuring Loving dads

Stay Curious, Stand Brave & Teach Boys Not To Rape

Stories Celebrating Nonbinary Characters

Kids need nonbinary, gender-fluid & intersex heroes

You might also like: Teaching Kids About The Gender Spectrum

Out & Proud: Explicitly Nonbinary Characters

You might also like: Dismantling Cissexism In Kidlit

Engaging Stories Validating Nonbinary & Gender-Fluid Kids Who Face Discrimination

You might also like: Reassuring Books For Kids Who Feel Like Outsiders

Normalizing (Implied) Nonbinary Characters

You might also like: Diverse Family Constellations In Kids Books

Series Collections Featuring Implied Nonbinary Characters

You might also like: Stop Lying To Your Kids About White Supremacy

Informative Books Destigmatizing Nonbinary Genders

You might also like: Radically Body-Positive Kids Books

Watch Out! Problematic (And Common) Themes That Hurt Nonbinary & Gender-Fluid Kids

Transphobia & cis-washing in books that claim to be gender inclusive

Decentering Nonbinary Kids As Deviations & Oddities

Feel-Good Books That Perform ‘Diversity’ Allyship While Saying Nothing

You might also like: Captivating Kids Stories To Recognize Privilege

Stay Curious, Stand Brave & Protect Trans, Nonbinary & Gender-Fluid Kids

In this post: Stereotype-free (and amazing) picture books celebrating the Lunar New Year

No more meek China Dolls

Spark Curiosity with…uhh. MAYHEM and DESTRUCTION!

The Problem with Chinese New Year

Awesome Lunar New Year Books

*The Nian Monster (China – Shanghai)

*Lunar New Year (Chinese New Year)

*New Clothes For New Year’s Day (Korean Seollal)

*A New Year’s Reunion (Chinese New Year)

You might also like: Galvanizing Books About Poverty That Inspire Kids To Give Back

*Ten Mice For Têt! (Vietnamese Têt)

* Dragon New Year (Chinese New Year)

The Seven Gods of Luck (Japan) – Problematic*