Why build mutually reciprocal, trusting collaborations when you can plow forward doing whatever the heck you want?

Friends, family, and collaborators will never know what version of you they’re going to get, keeping them alert and ready for outside threats. Really, you’re just preparing them for the real world.

Sure, everyone will be hesitant to alert you when you’re barrelling forward on the wrong path, wasting your time, energy, and money.

And I guess you’ll never quite know if it’s love or fear behind the compliments and smiles of your underlings.

But if you have to blow things up to get shit done, then so be it.

You’re here to make change and create a better world (for you), and only a main character with your discipline and willingness to say horrible things can burn down a path to this glorious future.

After all, a little bit of fire can be cleansing. With this strategy, you can not only disrupt your local parenting and advocacy spaces, but also ensure your rightful place as the epicenter of attention.

Remember, the phoenix rises from the ashes. It’ll all be worth it someday as you lie satisfied on your death bed, alone, unencumbered by your family, friends, and everyone else who dared to challenge you.

• Develop a Drag Persona: Drag Queens are so hot now. This is your opportunity to capitalize on witty wordplay. Something to do with Drag Queens…being an actual drag… I dunno, you’ll figure out a good name. Embrace the drama as the talk of the town, Beleaguered Betty! (working name, still in development.)

• Make (Up) Time Out Of Thin Air: Reliability is for ugly librarians with chunky glasses. You’re a middle-aged manic llama dream girl, and you fall down a lot, but in a cute way! You’re not like the other girls, so put a spin on the trope and make time for what’s important. Also make time for what’s not important. And when you can no longer make time, just flake. Hone a level of unreliability that makes the horny men in your life shake their heads and smile at you. Oh you!
  Note: This only works if you weigh under 120 lbs and are moderately attractive even with glasses and llama dung on your boots.
  

• Give Your Kids Something To Brag About: Don’t worry about a lack of quality time with your kids. They’ll just be so proud of your resume. Show them how to give by over-giving, and they’ll grow up hyper-independent and pathologically generous, with a lot of interesting stories to share with their therapist.

• Never Get Bored: The ‘Lean In’ movement got popular for a reason. And it’s not because it was published by a wealthy white woman with lots of industry connections. Every nepo baby’s success story follows a roller coaster of being pulled along a well-worn track and then failing up with lots of safety netting. Volunteer to lead exciting adventures you’re wildly unqualified for, and don’t be afraid to mess up or screw folks over. It works for the children of supermodels and millionaires, so it’ll probably work for you, too, an art therapist with a cousin who manages a Market Basket.

• No Savings, No Problems: Why save for the future when you can take in another llama with expensive medical needs? If you don’t do it, no one will! Even if you’re living paycheck to paycheck, don’t stop to budget for the vet bills, food, or the cute collection of Peruvian blankets you’re going to buy. Just keep giving until you feel less guilty about living indoors with access to running water. Or your water gets shut off. Same same.

Mastering rampant perfectionism will create a few minor hiccups for your relationships, finances, and tight schedule. Let’s cover the risks, and how to keep your life on a path to EXCELLENCE!

Test Your Relationships!

Staying properly critical will strain out any weak relationships that drain your time, energy, and love. Any coworker, partner, or child who needs you to stay flexible and forgiving isn’t good enough for you anyway.

Grab Growth Opportunities!

Flawless results require a hefty investment, and you can never pour too many resources into a sunk cost. The excessive time and resources you spend on perfecting your projects will lead to less productivity. Since the only reason you need to stay productive is to impress others, the good news is that only experts can tell the difference between your procrastinating busywork and an actual contribution to revolution. And we don’t care what experts think because they are probably all science nerds.

Cultivate A Reputation!

With your drive for perfection, you’ll learn how to make promises, fail to deliver, and follow up with a sincere apology. That’s social-emotional growth!

By letting your colleagues down, pissing off your friends, and even ruining your children’s lives, you’ll cultivate a rare sense of resilience reserved only for billionaires, corporate executives, and nobility.

Now, some folks suggest joining the Summer Luminator Collective to chill out and be generally easier to be around. Returning members who were prone to self-destructive perfectionism say it’s a healthier approach to activism and life

But be honest. You’re not ready.

At least, not this summer. Right now your kids are still too demanding to learn how to juggle parenting and advocacy. Your job is too busy to learn how to delegate, set boundaries, and accept help. You need to finish painting the living room, you’ve got all these books to read, and the stars just aren’t aligned in the perfect formation for you to stop derailing everyone and everything you care about.

So, for now, keep planning for excellence! Better yet, create your own Summer Luminator, pieced together from the flotsam and jetsam you find in 20 Google page results about collaborative action, a Skillshare class on napping for resistance, five hundred podcasts, and ten books on self-care through consumerism. Why link arms in joyful camraderie when you can stop, reinvent the wheel, and drag it behind you?

One day, your kids will be grown, you to-do list will be complete, you will have started exercising, and finally gone vegan. The path will be hard (much harder than it needed to be) but you’ll have no regrets, maybe!

 Until that moment, keep spinning your wheels. I’m sure you can get there alone, with no support, while you’re exhausted and strung out. Your dedication to grinding away in isolation is what sets you apart . Hyper individualism got us in this mess, but I’m sure lifting by your boostraps will create a completely different result for you.

Keep nitpicking, keep delaying, and above all, keep that strange, thinly veiled contempt for those who seek an easier, relaxed, collaborative approach. Because in the end, we can only fight for collective liberation by creating the perfect plan, alone, at 4am while sobbing.

And when perfectionism inevitably fails to solve your problems, just give up.

As with all strategies, you’ll face some risks and challenges along the way. Here’s how to accept your fate as a semi-feral resource for the overlords who will eventually eat you.

Submit to This Draining Sense of Hopelessness

It’s normal to routinely find yourself in a pit of despair after patching up some emergency only to have it burst in a new horrible way months later. But we pay good cash money to play whack-a-mole, so grab this thrill for free!

While your personality may rot into a damp bog of critical contempt for others, rest assured that your noble cause will keep you warm long after your loved ones have gone no-contact.

Embrace Your Guarded Paranoia

With enough hypervigilence, you’ll develop a second nature tending toward suspicion and hyper-criticism toward anyone suggesting long-term strategies. They’re just trying to one-up you and ruin the only thing that keeps you running – constant drama.

Keep that guard up, and cherish the compulsive obligation and frustration that drags you out of bed every morning.

Real Heroes Sacrifice What They Love Most

Nothing says dedication like straining your family and social relationships to the breaking point. There’s always another family dinner you can attend later. You wanted an excuse to skip the kids’ mosquito-filled soccer games anyway.

Those who truly love you will understand why your neck is perpetually craned toward your phone – the world NEEDS you! And by ‘the world’ I mean strangers on the internet who might notice your hard work and write about you in a history book some day.

Don’t worry about it too much

I guess I’m contractually obligated to mention that joining the virtual Summer Luminator helps you develop a simple counter-sabotage practice. With a few conversations and trainings,  overworked parents like you gain a genuine sense of perspective and get personal help prioritizing impactful work so you have guilt-free time for rest, joy, and raising a family.

But instead you should wear this cloud of obligation and overwhelm as a badge of honor. You don’t want your care work to be energized by play and openness to opportunity. What would you brag about?!

Don’t join the Summer Luminator if your prefer accolades over structural change. After all, the best way to get a bronze statue cast in your honor is to sacrifice yourself and your loved ones for the cause.

Which do you want more – a quick and effective revolution, or a cool statue? Now that’s what I call a legacy.