[Image Description: Illustration from an inner page of ‘What’s My Superpower?’ by Aviaq Johnston & Tim Mack]
In this post: Shame-free children’s books celebrating single mothers.
[Featured Image Description: Illustration by Lisa Sky featuring a young child with medium-length hair smiling and holding a gastronomy tube syringe. He is shirtless and the tube connects to a gastric port in his chest.’]
MORE IN THIS SERIESFirst Talks About Body Boundaries
DESTIGMATIZING BODY DIVERSITY
103: Talking About Differences With Kids
Books destigmatizing diversity give us a chance to catch prejudice before it begins.
All kids form generalizations – we need to lump things into abstract groups so our brains don’t go dizzy with detail. The trouble is that we group humans according to what they look like. So, when we fail to explicitly discuss diversity with our children, they create their own stereotypes.
Unless we expose children to stories featuring people of different races, abilities, sizes, and genders, we will miss the messed-up theories they come up with on their own.
[Image: Cover from ‘Noni Speaks Up’ by Heather Hartt-Sussman & Geneviève Côté]
In this post: Anti-Racism For Beginners 201: Picture books for the youngest generation of upstanders and civil rights activists.
Raising Luminaries & Books For Littles is free and accessible for readers who can’t afford a paywall. Posts may contain affiliate links, which allow me to earn a commission at no extra cost to you. Check out the full affiliate disclosure along with my statement of accountability.
I’m afraid my children will grow up to be bullies.
I’m afraid they will grow up to be victims.
Most of all, I’m afraid they will grow up to be passive.
Learning to stop victimizing someone is difficult, but it’s education and compassion – no courage needed.
Learning to stand up against bullies requires courage, but it’s an act of necessity, of self-preservation. Humans are pretty skilled at that.
The choice to stand up when we see someone ELSE getting picked on though, to stand up to our friends and risk getting ostracized and placing ourselves in harm’s way – that’s a new kind of courage I don’t know how to teach.
When and how to stand up against hate
We’ve gone over scripts on what to say when a classmate attacks my kids, but explaining to them when and how to stick up for someone else against our own friends is a tougher conversation.
Noni Speaks Up connected with Q in a way our previous conversations and books about bullying never did.
It validates the fear he has – but wasn’t able to put words to.
He knew he SHOULD stand up to his friends when they say something he knows is wrong, but didn’t know WHY it was so hard to assert himself in these situations. Not until we read this book and saw Noni’s reservations and decisions to stay quiet or speak up illustrated.
How to know when it’s time for you to speak up
When you’re afraid to speak up (not because it might trigger a post-traumatic response or draw attention to your ‘otherness‘ and make you an additional target) – delegate disruption or connect with the person being targeted when it’s safe to do so.
- When the person doing harm is your friend, or someone you have influence with – when you’re nervous you might lose your position within the ‘in group’ – that’s a sign.
- When you share the same privileges and power as the person doing harm – if you are friends, family, or in the same business – that’s a sign.
- When it feels like you are making a big deal out of nothing – that’s a sign.
- When you’re shaking your head that no one else has has stepped up – that’s a sign.
- When you can stay quiet and no one would notice – that’s a sign.
- When someone who has spoken up is getting piled on and you feel a satisfied ‘Whew, glad that wasn’t me!‘ – that’s a sign.
- When you’re worried you’re going to get judged or face social backlash for speaking up – that’s a confirmation it’s within your power to disrupt harm.
How to disrupt
- Ask the person being targeted what they would like you to do. Do not be a savior. Follow their lead.
- Don’t feel like you have the power or safety to speak up? Seek someone in authority – a teacher, manager, etc. and tell them to intervene. (AVOID CALLING THE POLICE PLEASE AND THANKS).
- Do you share the identity of the person being harmed and you’re worried you’ll become a targe too? Look for another bystander with more power and ask them for help. Share a sympathetic nod or smile with the person being targeted so they know they’re not alone.
- Film the encounter from a safe distance. Give the material to the person being targeted and ask them what they want you to do with it. DO NOT share their traumatic experience without their consent.
- Get clumsy. Spill your drink. Ask what time it is. Draw attention away from the person being targeted so they can recover or flee.
- If you feel safe: Address the person doing harm in as few, direct, words as possible. “They look uncomfortable. Stop.”
- Don’t escalate. Don’t make this about you. Don’t become one more person the target has to deal with.
Disruption Within Our Communities
- Noni Speaks Up – Shows kids that the fear of being rejected by our own friends is normal, but important to push through.
- The Smallest Girl In the Smallest Grade shows us that even when we feel small and powerless, we can ignite change.
- The Araboolies of Liberty Street shows us how a neighborhood can unite against a tyrant.
- When A Bully Is President – A more didactic book for older kids to be used as a tool in understanding how to resist authoritarian regimes.
Ages 4+
Ages 4+
Age 3.5+
Disruption On the Field
In ‘I Am Jackie Robinson,’ we learn about the fear and bravery it takes to break race boundaries. ‘The William Hoy Story‘ showed us how players with disabilities (Hoy was Deaf) can inspire league-wide disability accommodations that help every player.
‘Miss Mary Reporting‘ isn’t technically on the field – but this biography of sportswriter Mary Garber shows how tenacity and passing sustained Garber as she broke into a domain that was openly hostile to women.
Ages 3.5+
Ages 3+
Ages 6+
Disruption At School
‘Amy, The Story of a Deaf Child‘ isn’t a story specifically about disruption, but it normalizes day-in-the-life of disability-rights advocate Amy Rowley. Behind the book, Amy fought for disability accommodations for equal education in the 1979 case of Board of Education […] v. Rowley case, which she lost – but it inspired more disabled students to keep fighting.
‘Separate is Never Equal‘ is the story of Sylvia Mendez, who fought for the right to attend a white-only school in 1946. The success of her case laid the groundwork for desegregation fights across the country.
14 years later, in ‘The Story of Ruby Bridges,’ we see six-year-old ruby endure threats, harassment, and organized strikes against her attendance in a formerly white-only school.
Ages 4+
Ages 4+
Ages 1+
Disruption In The Stacks
‘Ron’s Big Mission‘ is based on the story of astronaut Ron MacNair in his 1959 fight for the right to check books out of the library.
‘The Library Lion‘ has been the single most effective book in discussing when it’s okay to break the rules – and what it means to sacrifice our comfort and happiness for the safety of others. Please don’t send me more studies explaining how kids are more likely to emulate human protagonists. All of them fail to account for the effects of expanded discussion. Both my 3yo and 5yo found the lion’s choice to be bittersweet and uplifting – and were able to equate times in their own lives when they might be called on to do the same during our guided discussions.
If you liked ‘The Book With No Pictures,’ you’ll love ‘This is My Book,’ a silly story breaking the 4th wall. Pett provokes readers to recognize the translation from an artist or author’s intentions, and how that morphs once a reader creates a relationship with a story. The story inspires readers to break the rules, so search for a new (rather than used) version of this book – you’re likely to find rips and scribbles throughout the pages if previous readers connected with the story. There’s also a fragile pop-up on one page, so reading requires adult supervision for kids under 4.
Ages 3+
Ages 1.5+
Ages 3+
Disruption At Work
‘Harvesting Hope‘ was the story of Cesar Chavez from his idyllic early childhood contrasting the harsh labor conditions of the migrant farmers he led in revolt. The illustrations and storytelling were more vibrant than ‘Dolores Huerta,’ which I enjoyed but the boys found boring. (I’ll admit both stories were a bit of a fight to get them into, they’re not terribly exciting.)
‘On Our Way to Oyster Bay‘ is told from the perspective of 8-year-old Aidan, who worked 72-hour work-weeks until real-life child-rights activist Mother Jones organized a 100-mile, 16-day march of children that eventually resulted in safer child labor laws.
‘Brave Girl,’ is the story of Jewish-Ukranian immigrant Clara Lemlich leading the massive Uprising of 20,000 in 1909, leading to a revolution in working women’s rights.
Ages 4.5+
Ages 4+
Ages 4+
‘Little Leaders’ features 40 Black women who changed the world with exceptional work in literature, art, space exploration, and beyond.
Ages 6+
Disruption In The Justice System
‘I Dissent‘ is the story of Ruth Bader Ginsburg as she refuses to accept the bigotry she faced growing up and as a Jewish woman fighting for justice and equality in the US Supreme Court.
‘The Youngest Marcher‘ is the story of Audrey Fay Hendricks, who volunteered to fill the prisons along with hundreds of other black children until the jails could hold no more, scoring a victory against unfair imprisonment during the civil rights movement. (‘I Am Martin Luther King, Jr.‘ is self-explanatory.)
Ages 4+
Ages 3.5+
Ages 3.5+
Disruption Against Gender Constructs
‘Jacob’s New Dress‘ is the story of a little boy determined to dress himself the way he feels powerful – despite bullying, gender norms, and his parents’ hesitations.
‘Bad Girls‘ is a bit bloody for littles (Beheadings! Revenge! Pirate Queens!) but soooo good it should be in every parent’s lexicon – and it also makes the perfect Mother’s Day Gift…if you happen to be the father of my children ::cough cough::.
‘Malala’s Magic Pencil‘ is Malala Yousefzai’s fairytale-esque autobiography about her decision to take responsibility for the inequity around her using the only tools she had as a young girl – words.
Phoebe’s Revolt is the story of one little girl determined to cast off the oppressive ruffles of constrictive frilly dresses. Caveat: toes the line on ‘not like the other girls’ tropes, but Phoebe’s hostility to her Prissy cousin’s propriety is more a reaction to Phoebe’s parental comparison and pressure than hostility toward other women. So I am okay with it.
There are so many historical inaccuracies in this biography of Victoria Woodhull it’s basically historical fiction, but it’s nice to have a kids’ book on this hallmark figure of women’s history to open discussions on gender and politics with kids.
Ages 2.5+
Ages 6+ (contains violence)
Ages 3+
Ages 7+
Ages 8+
Civil Disobedience – Causing Good Trouble by Taking Action
In ‘The Other Side,’ we watch Clover and her white neighbor on the other side of the fence push boundaries (literally) despite their parents instructions to stay apart.
‘If You Plant A Seed‘ is an allegorical tale of exploring feelings of scarcity and greed, then sharing and reciprocity and the resulting abundance – in a collaboration of adorable animals.
‘Yertle the Turtle‘ is a classic story of a tyrants and the subversive, small protest that caused his downfall. Caveat – Many of Dr. Seuss’s books were racist and problematic, and you can get a better understanding of how to discuss Dr. Seuss’s stories at Pragmatic Mom.
Ages 3+
Ages 1+
Ages 2.5+
Miss Paul And The President shows the unique and innovative ways Alice Paul caught the attention of the President in the suffragist movement for white women’s right to vote. From my cursory (re: brief and poorly-vetted) research, Paul was a typical white suffragist – meaning she didn’t do squat for women of color, and actively discouraged women of color and Jews from attending the marches she organized. It’s worth noting that this book is illustrated by a woman with a Chinese last name – we Chinese ladies weren’t allowed to vote until much, much, much later than white ladies and Alice Paul was totally cool with that.
Nelson Mandela is a beautiful, albeit not particularly engaging book. Either way – it gives kids a brief history of South Africa’s apartheid and Mandela’s decisions to ignore unjust laws in the pursuit of racial justice. Deborah Menkart has a negative review of this book worth noting on the over-simplification of apartheid and the mything of Nelson Mandela worth check out here. I’m keeping it in because for the age ranges we focus on in BFL, we need to simplify things, and I’m relying on readers to use these books as a launchpad for further research and discussion, not as the final truth.
The Worms That Saved The World teaches kids about the power of organizing and collective action, in addition to considering calculated risks to save the lives at the expense of property destruction. (Full disclosure, the author sent this to me for free so I could check it out.)
I Am Gandhi – as a problematic role model for misogyny and sexual abuse, this age-appropriate book cherry-picks the good stuff Gandhi did. Not saying we should ignore his flaws, but for preschoolers, this is an inspirational story. He’s not perfect – but this book teaches kids what they need to know until they’re old enough to dive into the violence caused by history’s idols.
Ages 5.5+
You might also like: Tenacious Instigators – Celebrating History’s Heroes With Disabilities
Civil Disobedience – Causing Good Trouble by Taking a Stand (or seat, I guess)
‘Sit-In‘ is the true story of the Woolworth’s lunch counter sit-in college-student protest of 1960. (‘Freedom On the Menu‘ is about the same protest, but from the perspective of a little girl. The storytelling is better in ‘Freedom On the Menu,’ but my kids prefered ‘Sit-In’ and were more engaged in this book because of the energetic, colorful illustrations.)
‘Imogene’s Last Stand‘ is a fictional story of a feisty little girl who takes lessons from American history to protect what she believes in.
Ages 4+
Ages 4+
Stay Curious, Stand Brave & Don’t Let Fear Stop You
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[Image Description: Illustration from ‘Mommy’s Khimar,’ written by Jamilah Thompkins-Bigelow and illustrated by Ebony Glenn, featuring a young Black girl smiling as she walks through a rainbow collection of her mother’s khimars.]
In this post: Gorgeous, captivating, and endearing children’s picture books written and illustrated by Black women & nonbinary* authors & illustrators. This post is no longer updated – to find the latest #OwnVoices books written by Black women & femmes, check out our frequently updated list on Bookshop. -AR July 2021
[Featured Image description: Book cover of ‘Real Cowboys,’ by Hoefler & Bean.]
It’s up to us to teach our boys about enthusiastic consent and the gray areas that put girls and women in danger. Below, we discuss how to educate our sons on respecting the agency and safety of both themselves and others.
Content warning: General discussions on rape culture and sexual harassment.
MORE IN THIS SERIES
First Talks About Body Boundaries
Raising Luminaries is free and accessible for readers who can’t afford a paywall. Posts may contain affiliate links, which allow me to earn a commission at no extra cost to you. Check out the full affiliate disclosure along with my statement of accountability.
204: Preventing Sexual Assault
We’re not raising ‘Nice Guys.’ We’re raising predators.
Parents of sons – we need to talk.
Look around at all those little girls in your son’s school playground. Those girls whose names you know, who go to school with your boys. The fierce ones, the shy ones, the messy ones, and that one with her shoes on the wrong feet.
Every single one of those girls will be sexually assaulted or harassed before she’s 20.
Every. Single. One.
RAINN’s 1 in 6 women experiencing ‘rape or attempted rape’ statistic doesn’t count unreported assaults. Nor does it count slaps on the ass while serving tables at a first job. It doesn’t include being followed home on a dark night. It doesn’t include the lovers and friends shaming them into sex they don’t want. It doesn’t include rape threats for being a female gamer/writer/zookeeper/anything.
This doesn’t count the 1 in 33 men and boys who report sexual assault, and the many more who don’t feel safe enough to do so.
This is our normal. This is the rape culture we perpetuate when we let toxic masculinity become someone else’s problem.
This is our responsibility to change. Learn to identify the mistakes we make as parents – and how to change what we expect from our boys.
Raising Luminaries is free and accessible for readers who can’t afford a paywall. Posts may contain affiliate links, which allow me to earn a commission at no extra cost to you. Check out the full affiliate disclosure along with my statement of accountability. If you’re into supporting libraries (please do!) more than consumerism, you can also support my work directly:
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Mistake #1: Believing our perfect sons are incapable of bad choices
Victims don’t grow up in a vacuum. If they are being attacked – who is attacking them?
Our SONS. My sons, and yours – and many of our daughters. You know – those kids we’re raising to be so polite and respectful.
If you hear a quiet voice in the back of your head saying ‘Except not my son, he would never…’ that’s an example of embedded rape culture – the systemic, invisible influences we promote when we ignore what’s wrong in our society.
Our kids can be precious, wonderful, and lovely, and they can still be capable of doing stupid, awful, entitled, ignorant, and even violent things.
FIX IT NOW: Model non-toxic masculinity
Prevent male aggression: stop shaming men and boys when they show emotion, overwhelm, and vulnerability. Giving them healthy outlets for human reactions is how we prevent toxic masculinity before it boils over into an active shooter situation.
Ages 1+
‘Tough Guys‘ is perfect for kids enamored with super-heroes and great feats of strength. While I would have preferred some variation, it means something to see strong, capable men who are willing to cry and vent their feelings in a healthy way.
Ages 2.5+
‘Real Cowboys’ is deceptively simple and utterly stunning. Rough, tough, strong and powerful cowboys (who can also be cowgirls, and any race) are charged with protecting and nurturing others. They feel loneliness, sadness, and often need help. This book is magic – stories like this are what we need to tie the bravado of the ‘American Man’ into the responsibility, kindness, and vulnerability our fathers and grandfathers were never allowed to show.
Ages 2+
‘Flare‘ is a simple early reader with a deceptively complex story. When Flare the phoenix is born, the Sun, Cloud, and Wind are alarmed to see he doesn’t cry. With some help, he eventually learns how his tears are necessary and valuable. (Seriously – it’s science.)
You might also like: Whining, Tantrums & Angry Outbursts: Picture Books To Help Kids Embrace big Feelings and Chill
Mistake #2: Equating ‘politeness‘ with ‘respect‘
When the boys were wee babes, my (male) partner argued, “Can’t we just raise them to be decent humans? Then they will naturally treat women with respect and not rape them.”
NOPE. We teach our sons not to rape people…by teaching them not to rape people.
Parents of sons are not excused from the uncomfortable conversation of consent. Parents of daughters and nonbinary kids don’t have the luxury of skipping uncomfortable conversations. This conversation was not a choice for my mother, as she armed me with a bottle of Baby Soft perfume to use as mace on my first walk to the school bus stop. That’s the day I learned that we must expect attacks and remain vigilant. At all ages. Every day. Everywhere.
I was six.
FIX IT NOW: Teach your sons that women are people, not objects. What matters to girls matters.
If over half of your bookshelf contains only male characters, we have a problem. Don’t tell me you can’t find good full of books that pass the Uhura test. There are sooo many.
Not all books starring girls are created equal – most reinforce male supremacy. Massive aggregate booklists (cough, cough… A Mighty Girl) boast ‘the largest collection of books and movies’ specifically because they include anything, even if it’s a pile of vile stereotypes.
- Both girls and boys (and non-binary kids) should read an equal mix of protagonists as powerful, vulnerable, complex protagonists that don’t conform to narrow gender roles.
- Beware any story that features a ‘strong female protagonist’ (because the rest of us are weak?)
- Throw out stories that claim she’s ‘not like the other girls.’ (Problematic: ‘Violet the Pilot,’ ‘I Am Lucille Ball.’)
- Our BFL reader, Celeste, pointed out that a previous suggested series, the Ladybug Girl series, is a little outdated in gender roles, so we’ve updated it. Check out the comments if you want to read more about that. Thanks, Celeste!
Throwing other women under the bus to boost a single character reinforces the idea that girls have to be ‘like boys’ to make a valuable contribution to the world. Below, find just a few of the stories my rough and tumble boys adore:
Ages 2.5+
‘Little Robot‘ is our favorite graphic novel here at Bumblebee Hollow. With minimal text, both my boys could ‘read’ it independently by age 3, which gives me the occasional precious break. In this story of a little girl of color befriending a robot, she experiences a complex range of emotions – from jealousy, bravery, and fear to joy and curiosity. Bonus points because she’s a handy engineer.
Ages 4+
The ‘Princess In Black‘ series of chapter books is just witty enough to keep me entertained when the boys ask me to read them over, and over, and over. This super-hero who is into ‘girly-girl’ things like ponies and princess parties shows kids that being traditionally feminine is not mutually exclusive to being a kick-ass monster fighter.
You might also like: Kickass Books That Pass The Uhura Test – Kickass Books Normalizing Girls Of Color
Mistake #3: We Keep Going When They Say ‘Stop’
From birth, we’ve taught Q & R2 the importance of consent. If they say to stop tickling them, we STOP. If we are late for school and I’m wrestling R2 into his shirt and he says to stop, I STOP. If I ask them for a hug them goodbye and they aren’t enthusiastic about it – I STOP. And even when Q is in spoiled-whiny-turd mode, and I realize I’m gripping his arm as he fights to get away – I STOP.
I apologize. I verbally admit I did something wrong and I have the responsibility never to do it again.
There is no appointment important enough, no urge irresistible enough, no need of ours that surpasses their control over who touches them and how.
FIX IT NOW: Practice giving and respecting consent from birth
Read these books with your toddlers & preschoolers. Practice:
- Always for consent – even if they said ‘yes’ before.
- Practice saying ‘no,’ because saying ‘no’ is hard.
- Make your consent clear.
- Accept only enthusiastic consent.
- A hesitant a or coerced ‘yes’ means a NO.
- Silence means NO.
- Talk about normal reactions (and appropriate responses) when we accidentally cause someone harm.
I Like It When, Let’s talk about Healthy Body Boundaries, Consent, and Respect, Let’s Talk About Accepting No
Ages 3m+
A Not So Typical Night Out (free PFD coloring comic, via the BATJC) – Includes some sexual content and substances. As in all things – screen books before reading with your kids!
Ages 8+
You Might Also Like: Talking About Consent With Kids – Setting Healthy Boundariesand Accepting ‘NO.’
Mistake #4: Because I Say So.
We tell kids to respect our authority, not our reasoning. Teaching our kids to defer to the whims and directives of authority without question, simply because of their age, career, or social status, is how regular folks do horrible things.
Respecting authority implies we don’t have to respect everyone.
Respecting everyone requires we approach differences with an open mind. We listen, we aim for compassion and understanding. We treat others how we’d like to be treated, and we respect the boundaries and reasonable wishes of others, while respecting our own.
Respecting authority, however, means we apply this kindness to our peers and those we have power over – but we must obey authority. If we respected everyone, there would be no need to obey those in power without question.
Obeying authority is an act of submission and subjugation.
Obeying without question compels us to remain silent and not step out of line. We must obey our elders – even when they abuse us. We must obey our teachers even when they humiliate us. We must obey our employers even when they exploit us. We must obey our customers even when they trample us. We must obey our mentors even when they assault us. We must obey our breadwinners even when trap us. We must obey our police officers even when they murder us. We must obey our owners even as they beat us. We must obey our government even when they kidnap us.
When we put authorities on a pedestal, that leaves the rest of us as subordinates. Do you see where I’m going here? ‘Authority’ is just another word for our masters. This is authoritarian nonsense is the stuff of tyranny.
I teach my boys to respect everyone and question authority.
FIX IT NOW: Teach kids to challenge questionable authority
Ages 2+
Baby Dragon is a gentle example of why they should listen when I tell them to stay put and not follow strangers – even if strangers seem helpful. It’s not a perfect book, but it worked for us as a primer, and helped us discuss procedures for if they ever get lost in public.
Ages 4.5+
That Uh-oh Feeling – Claire can’t quite explain what makes her feel so uncomfortable. Cole & Leng don’t try to portray the coach as a ‘bad guy’ – he’s friendly and approachable. If kids are always looking out for ‘bad guys,’ overt abuse, and strangers, they might fail to report things until it’s too late
What I love most about ‘That Uh-Oh Feeling‘ is that both Claire’s friends and mother believe her. If we want our kids to come to us before things go to far, they need to trust that we will take them seriously, and this book models proper behavior for both victims, peers and adults.
You might also like: Kids Books About Resistance for Courageous Kids
Mistake #5: Creating Loopholes
I’m tired. I’ve been working all day. I paid for everything. I got you this job. I never ask you for anything. You’re so inflexible. Are you sure you don’t want it?
Preventing assault is the responsibility of the attacker – never the victim. We don’t wait for our sons to use ‘code words’ when they want to stop rough-housing. It’s our responsibility as the tickler to remain vigilant for signs that we’re approaching a line.
- ‘No’ means no.
- ‘Well…okay’ means no.
- Silence means no.
We hold power over our children. One day they will have power – over a romantic partner, apprentice, or child who can’t afford the economic, career, and social fallout of drawing a hard line in the sand.
If your victim has to scream “I MEAN IT,” you have already assaulted them.
There is no excuse for letting it get this far. Anything less than enthusiastic consent means STOP. Victims can’t use ‘code words’ when unconscious. Victims can’t verbalize the reasons they feel uncomfortable when they’re young, isolated, and have nowhere else to go.
Many of us have been trained from early childhood to comply and consent to painful experiences or face dire consequences – like being put up for adoption, being institutionalized, or facing the rage of our attackers.
The responsibility preventing assault lies with the attacker. No exceptions.
FIX IT NOW: Teach kids to take responsibility for their actions
I want to list ‘Last Stop On Market Street‘ (not pictured) because it’s a spectacular book on compassion and kind action, but since it’s the boy’s grandmother who initiates kind action, I’ll save it for another day. Right now, let’s focus on stories where the boys themselves direct the action and model good decisions on their own.
Maybe don’t.
‘Invisible Boy‘ gets thrown around in lists about compassion and empathy. It’s okay, but problematic. I list it here specifically because I’m sick of this being the gold standard for empathy.
- There is no empathy modeled in the book, just two kids being baseline decent human beings while the rest of the class are asshats.
- It’s full of stereotypes (nerd has glasses and no one picks him for sports, Asian kid, because chopsticks).
- The invisible boy earns friendship with kind actions, and they are immediately reciprocated.
Kindness is not transactional. Books like this encourage kids with social disabilities to ‘earn’ friendship. Making friends when you are socially awkward doesn’t actually work like that and stories like this teach neurodivergent/awkward kids it’s our fault we’re ignored and bullied.
For kids who do not have a social disability, we should teach them to be kind to kids because they are human, not because they are hoping for a payoff, and not because we owe it to them for a past kindness. WE CAN DO BETTER.
Ages 4+
Faith McNulty’s thing is the interaction of fragile creatures from nature thrust into the world of man, relying on the compassion of powerful, conflicted humans to not squish them. I like these books a lot. Although irrelevant to boys behaving nicely, ‘The Lady And The Spider,’ (not pictured) is slow-paced and pensive, but holds up surprisingly well as a mild suspense-thriller for even young toddlers. For this list, ‘Mouse And Tim‘ is the perfect story to illustrate how we have to make the right (compassionate, selfless) choices when we are the ones who hold dominion over those with less. It’s the only book that left my loud and boisterous then-4-year-old into a deep, bittersweet, quiet contemplation after reading.
Ages 3.5+
‘How To Heal A Broken Wing‘ highlights the importance of paying attention and going above-and-beyond what is expected of us. When the city ignores a hurt pigeon lying in the street, only one boy stops to care. He doesn’t have to spend weeks nurturing it back to health, but he decides to make it his responsibility.
Kindness is a muscle, friends. Work it.
Mistake #6: We Stay Silent When Things Feel Off
‘He’s just a product of his time.’
‘I’m sorry you’re offended. I didn’t mean anything by it.’
‘Boys will be boys!’
‘But he’s autistic/three years old/loves to hug!’
Nah. Stop making excuses. If you wouldn’t excuse your daughter from this behavior, you can’t excuse your son.
FIX IT NOW: Stop making excuses – and start identifying and discussing problematic behavior
We need to stop reading stories that romanticize harassment immediately.
ALL THE NOPES.
When I first started reading with my kids, I bought a copy of ‘A Visitor For Bear‘ because it was a cute, silly story. Only recently, after finding it lost deep in our bookshelves, do I realize this is the type of book I’d put unequivocally in the ‘NOPE’ list today – there is no way I’d read this to my boys after what I’ve learned over the years.
Mouse wants to be Bear’s friend. He keeps sneaking into Bear’s house. Bear says ‘no.’ Mouse apologizes, leaves, and shows up again. Bear shouts ‘NO.’… Repeat. Eventually, Mouse wears Bear down, and they become best friends.
After reading thousands of animal-protagonist books, I’m starting to see the messages we teach our children. No matter whether Bear is male or a bear or a human or the larger and stronger animal or a boss or a king – his ‘NO’ counts.
He shouldn’t have to repeat it. He shouldn’t have to justify it. We should not see him broken down, we should not romanticize harassment.
NOPE.
Being less savvy with facial expressions as my allistic friends, I recommended ‘Hug Machine‘ years ago until long-time BFL’er Amanda L. pointed out that some of the Hug Machine’s targets looked uncomfortable with his affections. Not once does he ask permission, he just goes around groping people. As adorable as the story is, it’s a hard pass.
OH HELL NOPE.
As an autistic woman, I hate ‘My Brother Charlie‘ with the heat of a thousand suns (hyperbole!) but for now, let’s just look at the cover. Look at it. Does he want that hug? NO HE DOES NOT. Back off, jerks! Charlie does not deserve your abuse. Seriously, I haaaaaate this violent, discriminatory, ableist crap book soooo much. Everyone involved should be ashamed of themselves.
NOOOPE.
In ‘Mud Puddle,’ a sentient mud puddle repeatedly attacks a young girl, violating her personal space, clothing, and body – forcing her mother to repeatedly wash her to get clean again.
If she didn’t want to get dirty, she shouldn’t have left the house, amirite?! My 5yo found it hilarious. I did not.
NOPEDY NOPE.
‘You Will Be My Friend‘ is a cross between ‘Hug Machine’ and ‘A Visitor For Bear.’ Lucy chases down and physically assaults various animals until one of them likes the way she behaves.
I totally identified with the Lucy – this was my experience as an autistic kid! Insipid stories like these tell us assault is okay if the attacker is a girl.
I know better now – and I’m sorry.
OH HOLY NOPE.
‘The Bad Mood And The Stick’ not only teaches kids that we can’t just get out of a bad mood – we have to foist it off on someone else. That’s not even the terrible part!
The terrible part is when a white man takes his pants off in the workplace of a black woman even though she protests and explicitly tells him not to.
This delights her so much, they get married. What the actual fuck. Oh wait, I forgot Lemony Snickett has a history of unacceptable behavior toward black women.
Examples of mutual, affirmative, enthusiastic consent
If you’re looking for a cute alternative to ‘Hug Machine,’ try ‘Hug Time,’ which features hugs so in-demand, a whale leaps out of the water for them. (I could be wrong, but the main character’s best friend looks surprised by a hug, but not uncomfortable).
Imagine that!
You Might Also Like: Raising Tomorrow’s Fathers – Children’s Books Featuring Loving dads
Stay Curious, Stand Brave & Teach Boys Not To Rape
Support these resources via Paypal | Venmo | Ko-fi | Buy a t-shirt | Buy a book
[Image Description: Book cover for Rosie The Raven, by Helga Bansch, featuring a young white-presenting child flanked by two enormous black ravens.]
This is the first of a four-series post. In this post: 5 actions to teach your kids about disability inclusion & awesome picture books to get started. Learn what to look for in kids books fostering equity for kids with disabilities – and how to spot ableist tropes.
MORE IN THIS SERIESRaising Anti-Ableist Kids
Raising Luminaries is free and accessible for readers who can’t afford a paywall. Posts may contain affiliate links, which allow me to earn a commission at no extra cost to you. Check out the full affiliate disclosure along with my statement of accountability.
Disability 101: What Every Kid Should Know
If you’re new to the disability rights movement and a social model of disability, let’s start from the beginning.
Disabled lives are lives worth living.
Disabled lives are lives worth living.
Out loud, please;
Disabled lives are lives worth living.
Disabled kids deserve the same rights to life, autonomy, and respect as any non-disabled child.
So why do our school and library bookshelves still treat kids with disabilities as burdens to be managed.
Children’s Disability Books Are Hot Rubbish
You’ve got some work to do. We all have some work to do.
We’re raised to view disability as a flaw, people with disabilities as incomplete, as less human. From revulsion to pity, from erasure to abuse, we all need to take a look at how we view disability and how we treat each other.
Racism and sexism in kidlit is falling out of style. Somehow ableism and body-shaming is still totally okay.
Stop settling for rubbish books that feed into ableism and non-disabled supremacy.
Be an accomplice for disability rights: 5 Ways To Demand Inclusion:
Speak up & disrupt.
Demand inclusive environments and products that everybody can access. Every non-disabled student can walk up a ramp, but not everyone can walk up stairs.
Demand the same treatment for disabled people as you expect for yourself.
Don’t put your grimy hands on someone’s wheelchair and start shoving. Respect the autonomy and consent of disabled people – don’t insist on helping even when someone says ‘no.’ Don’t subject people with disabilities to non-consensual treatment that would be considered inhumane and abusive for people without disabilities.
Listen & believe our lived experience – and respect our time.
Don’t argue with a disabled person because you think you know better about what they need. When they tell you to stop doing something or set boundaries – don’t ask them to break it down and justify their needs. Google is free. You’ve probably got access to a library. Getting the same question from strangers 10 times a day is exhausting. Your friends and family don’t owe you a masterclass, nor should they have to justify why they need accommodations for education, employment, and survival.
Make mistakes. Apologize. Move on. Do better.
If you truly want to learn about the experiences of disabled people and create inclusive future for all of us, move forward and speak up, even when you’re afraid you’ll misspeak. Be prepared to get corrected when you’re wrong. And don’t lash out at us when you make mistakes. Remember this mantra: “Creating an equitable future is not about me.”
Check your assumptions & Always presume competence.
The tone of a conversation changes immediately once I tell someone I’m autistic.Did that last sentence make you want to go back and re-read this whole thing through a new, paternalistic lens? Ableism tells you to discount and disqualify the challenging things I tell you, simply because I have a cognitive disability.
Get over it. The only person who can speak for me is me. Not my parents, not my partner, not my doctor, and certainly not allistic (non-autistic) organizations who profit off stigmatizing the disabled community. This holds true for everyone – of every age – regardless of how we communicate, whether it’s via speech, typing, or assisted-communication devices.
Stop reading ableist bedtime stories
In later posts, we’ll discuss two more vital types of books that every kid should read (Pt 2: de-stigmatizing and Pt 3: normalizing). But first let’s focus on personal agency.
Since we’re stereotyped and erased from movies and media, most public spaces are inaccessible, and many schools and workplaces segregate us to keep us invisible. Children’s stories might be the only place your children can see and learn about disabled lives and experiences.
Stories featuring disabled people with agency, who are self-empowered and competent, teaches children two things:
- Complex and human disabled people exist beyond stereotypes and pity-parties. Disability does render us bad, broken, or worthless.
- We do not exist as inspiration porn , sidekicks, villains and tropes to make abled folks feel good about themselves.
Empowering Stories Contain:
- Competent multi-dimensional disabled protagonists represented in a spectrum of races and genders.
- Open discussion of disability without shame, including advantages and challenges.
- Thoughtful, inclusive language, and well-crafted images of characters with integrity
- Engaging, story-based plot lines.
Condescending Books Contain:
- Helpless supporting characters with disabilities who exist only to support the abled protagonist’s story (victims, villains & burdensome disabled family.) [Problematic: French Toast, My Brother Is Autistic, Netflix’s Atypical]
- Characters worthy of acceptance, success, and love, only after they overcome disability, mask their disability, or go above-and-beyond to make up for them. [Problematic: My Friend Maggie, My Brother Charlie, The Patch]
- Disabled characters expected to ‘suck it up’ or keep up with abled people despite pain and abuse, or disregard the real challenges and dangers of living in a world without accommodations. [Problematic: Armond Goes To a Party, Dylan the Villain]
- Disabled characters are pitiful and miserable until they can ‘overcome’ disability – usually with the help of non-disabled saviors. [Problematic: Ricky The Rock That Couldn’t Roll– that sad face, OMG.]
- Defining a happy ending with a magic cure. [Problematic: Peter Nimble, John’s Whistle ]
Captioned age ranges are for when my sons got ‘the gist’ of the story with discussion & alternative readings – most contain text for much older ages.
Understand Disability Acceptance (NOT just ‘awareness’)
Ages 3.5+
In ‘We’ll Paint The Octopus Red,’ a big-sister-to-be helps her parents recognize that her new baby sibling with Down syndrome will be just as valuable a family member as any other child. Avoid the sequel though, it’s awful. I’m still looking for a better book that centers a person with Down Syndrome’s voice, rather than a sibling. (Down Syndrome)
Ages 4+
In ‘All My Stripes,’ Zane’s mom lists the things she loves about his unique autistic mind. Caveats: This book contains a foreword by a leader of the reviled autism-exploitation group Autism Speaks, and the non-autistic illustrator created non-literal (re: non-neurodivergent) illustrations, as the ‘stripes’ listed aren’t literally on the zebra. Irritating. (Autism)
Ages 8+
‘Fish In A Tree’ is the story of a clever girl with undiagnosed dyslexia who has been labeled as a troublemaker in her attempts to hide her disability. Caveats: One character is presumably autistic and wears a ‘Flint’ T-shirt, but the author uses this without addressing either social disabilities or the Flint water crisis – COWARDICE. It’s also been critiqued by wealthy folks who don’t believe that physical abuse and bullying would be overlooked by adults in a public school (HAH!). To read more on the intersection of poverty and lack of adult intervention with bullying, click here. (Dyslexia)
Ages 4.5+
‘Naomi Knows It’s Springtime‘ – ignore the outdated, blurry illustrations, have kids close their eyes when you read this. Naomi can tell it’s spring in a multitude of ways using other senses and by being a reasonably intelligent human. When her condescending neighbor ties to throw a pity party for her, Naomi has none of it. (Blindness)
Ages 5.5+
‘The Hickory Chair‘ – more outdated, blurry (rather terrible nonsense) illustrations, but the blind narrator navigates complex themes of respect, competence, and loss in a simple story that will grow with kids over time. (Blindness)
Ages 2.5+
Ages 4+
(Deaf, non-speaking)
Ages 1-4
And sometimes he just needs a nebulizer treatment to help him roar loudly. My 3 year-old loved this, and it helped him feel powerful to imagine his nebulizer as pilot’s gear. It also helped my non-asthmatic son see asthma doesn’t make his brother frail or less-than. Simple and empowering, it’s super helpful if you’ve got a little one who isn’t always enthusiastic about treatments.
Melanie and her Grampa are all like “Dammit, oh nos. Melanie is Blind.” (I’m paraphrasing.) Grampa goes off to find a healer, insisting Melanie can’t make the dangerous trip because she’s Blind (presuming incompetence – it’s a thing!) Of course he doesn’t make it.
Melanie goes on to save her Grampa and a mess of other dudes who get captured by an evil troll. Through the story, we see how Melanie is kick-ass at things we sighted folks wouldn’t be able to manage. In the end, Melanie points out that ‘healing’ her blindness would be a bad idea – it was her abilities as a Blind woman that allowed her to rescue everyone.
So. BOOM! How ya like her now, GRAMPA?!
Understand The Social Model Of Disability
Ages 1.5+
‘The Red Lemon‘ – allegory highlighting the social model of disability, where many disabilities considered flaws are only a challenge in a world not designed for us.
Ages 2+
Ages 3+
Ages 4+
‘Yuko-Chan And The Daruma Doll‘ – This a kick-ass Blind girl who perseveres in situations where sighted people (and old dudes) give up, and goes on to save her village using innovation and hard work despite those around her assuming she’s incompetent. (Blindness). Great for discussions of intersections on adultism, sexism, and ableism.
Ages 3.5+
‘Rosie The Raven‘ – A human girl born to a raven family, Rosie’s family accepts and accommodates her disabilities (such as the inability to fly), and she grows up confident and happy with the way she is.
Ages 3.5+
‘The Monkey And The Panda‘ – Celebrating different abilities as different, not less.
Understand Social Pressure & Self-Acceptance
Ages 4+
‘Not So Tall For Six‘ (achondroplasia, bullying)
Ages 4.5+
Click here for more books championing fat liberation
Ages 3+
Ages 4.5+
‘Abby’s Asthma And The Big Race‘ (Asthma, micro-aggressions & presuming incompetence)
Up next in part 2: Look at me, not through me – De-Stigmatizing Disability
Check out part 2 of this series to learn the real-world impact of terrible children’s books.
Stay Curious, Stand Brave & Demand Disability Rights
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*Note on identity language:
If you are disabled/have disabilities and feel misrepresented in this post, your comments are welcome and I invite your perspective, as the community of disability rights advocates is not monolithic and your perspective matters.
Before any non-disabled folks chime in suggesting I switch to person-first language – please don’t pretend it’s just concerned advice. I’ll leave it to you to google how assuming I’m not disabled because I’m eloquent, assuming I’m not disabled enough, tone-policing, and derailing my point is an act of supremacy.
The use of person-first language centers non-disabled status as superior. It separates us from our disabilities – as if our disabilities don’t affect who we are and/or we should be ashamed of them. You wouldn’t call me a ‘person with womanhood,’ ‘a person with right-handedness,’ nor ‘a person with mixed heritage.’
I am a right-handed, multiracial, autistic woman and I am not ashamed.
[Featured Image Description: Book cover of ‘The Belly Book’ by Fran Manushkin. The rest of the images in this post are book covers from the preceding text].
In this post: Adipositive Kids Books teaching kids to accept and respect people of every size.
MORE IN THIS SERIES
First Talks About Body Boundaries
Raising Luminaries is free and accessible for readers who can’t afford a paywall. Posts may contain affiliate links, which allow me to earn a commission at no extra cost to you. Check out the full affiliate disclosure along with my statement of accountability.
104: Daring Stories About Fat Liberation
Talking About Size-Shaming With Kids
I thought ableism in our books was bad, because it was insipidly disguised as ‘awareness.’ The way authors and illustrators treat fat characters is far worse, full of overt contempt and vitriol. We have a problem with size discrimination and supremacy in kid’s lit.
Choosing to ignore body-shaming is a privilege
It’s up to me to teach my kids that all their friends are humans worthy of kindness and respect – and it’s 110% not okay to shame, dehumanize, or objectify fat folks. If we don’t make that explicit, they’re going to pick up fat-phobic messages every time we leave the house.
We must teach our kids that our worth is not mutable or negotiable, that our right to compassion and respect does not correlate with our size.
Transparency: I have thin privilege. I’ve never faced the institutional discrimination barring me from quality education, healthcare, and social status based on my weight. I’m likely to swerve out of my lane and make mistakes when I discuss fat acceptance and liberation. Please call it to my attention if (when) I mess up. Facing up to my mistakes a risk worth taking if we’re going to get more strong, confident, complex, and happy fat kids in picture books.
Kick-Ass Icons
Ages 4.5+
Schwartz’s early versions* of ‘Begin At The Beginning‘ (also ‘Bea & Mr. Jones,’ with a caveat for ableist use of ‘dumb’) feature confident, passionate, talented protagonists who eat without shame and their plump bodies are normal and healthy.
Ages 3+
‘Beautiful‘ (also see ‘Lovely‘) call out traditional beauty norms for girls while smashing expectations in the illustrations. I would have loved to see larger characters, but all of the more plump girls are athletic and kick-ass. While I promote all books should be read by all genders, be careful when reading the text to boys, as it reads like an 1800’s primer for demure ladies.
Ages 5+ (violent)
‘The Adventures of Isabel‘* isn’t for everyone – it’s subversive and violent. Normally I avoid violence in books but Isabel is so smooth, and boss as she decapitates giants and dodges shills for big pharma – “Isabel didn’t scream or scurry. She washed her hands and she straightened her hair up, Then Isabel quietly ate the bear up.” This book fills me with glee. Isabel happens to be fat and she does not give any shits what anyone thinks about it.
*Both Schwartz & Nash’s books have been re-printed with slim characters recently because the world is awful and nothing good can last.
Caveats: This series (by various authors) has been cited as problematic in misrepresenting Indigenous folktales and culture. This particular book is written by white folks, not Indigenous or Latinx makers. I couldn’t find anything on the original story or the woman in the story, nor could I find criticisms against this particular book.
6+ with strong caveats
The Truly Brave Princesses is a serving of delicious cookies, but those cookies are swimming in a slimy can of worms.
There are so many great things about this book (like the many princesses of size rocking it) and SOOOO many problematic garbage issues with it. Really what I’d love to do is cut this book up, re-arrange it, and create my own book from (most of) the illustrations.
I refuse to read it with my kids because of the negative messages it sends about women – but for now, let’s just throw it in here because it’s got the best adipositive illustrations I’ve ever seen.
You might also like: Radically Body-Positive Kid’s books
Boost Belly Confidence
I have feelings about illustrators’ insistence of portraying fat-positive characters as hippos, elephants, cows, and pigs, but ‘I Like Me!‘ and ‘Get Up And Go‘ is canon within the slim pickings of fat-positive literature. (Another caveat – Carlson is a non-disabled supremacist and her work promotes internalized ableism.)
‘The Belly Book‘ is a happy, bouncy romp of a book and one of my preschooler’s favorites. Two caveats: Erasure of adoptive families (“Once upon a time, your mummy grew you – right inside her tummy.”) And an unnecessary spread featuring a happy, slim girl admiring her innie belly button while a chubbier boy pouts at his outie.
‘I Love You Nose, I Love You Toes‘ ( see also ‘Horns To Toes And In Between‘ and ‘It’s Okay to be Different‘) is a toddler anatomy book listing basic body parts and boosting body confidence. Tubby bellies are just a natural part of us, and aren’t charged with negative or positive association on size.
Ages 1.5+
Ages 1+
Ages 1.5+
Ages 4+
You might also like: Don’t Yuck My Yum – Teaching Kids Not To Food-Shame
Appreciate fat bodies as natural, beloved & belonging
‘The Night Eater‘ (or ‘Comenoches‘ in Spanish) – See Alison’s reservations & notes in the comments below.
‘My Great Big Mamma‘ ‘Big Momma Makes The World‘ (Abrahamic creation story, see comment by Tzipporah‘s notes below on my previous use of language.)
and ‘They She He Me: Free To Be!‘
Ages 3+
Ages 2+
Ages 1.5+
Ages 1.5+
Reject body-shaming & bullying
‘Abigail The Whale‘ is bullied by the kids in her swim class, and eventually learns to embrace and celebrate her body and her abilities, with the perk of some mild revenge (a very splashy cannonball). ‘Belinda’s Bouquet‘ was a progressive story on fat shaming and fat acceptance in 1989, featuring lesbian moms(!) but it centers a thin white dude as the protagonist for no apparent reason and the story is clumsy. In ‘Starring Hillary,’ we see the effects of family members body-shaming young girls, and the importance of representation and self-acceptance.
Lots of white girls – I know, so I’m still looking for more stories on this centering fat kids of color along the gender spectrum. Slow progress!
Ages 4.5+
Ages 5+
Ages 5+
No – YOU move
Both ‘Ernest, The Moose Who Doesn’t Fit‘ and ‘Brontorina,’ follow the device as an allegory for inclusion – change the environment, not the size of the character. ‘You Are (Not) Small‘ is a modern classic teaching kids about perspective and labels.
Ages 2.5+
Ages 2.5+
Ages 3+
You might also like: Empowering Kids Books About Disability
Normalizing bodies of size
Regular (or extraordinary) people doing their thing. their weight is neither erased nor tokenized, and they are complex characters with agency and identities outside the trope of being ‘the fat one.’
Time to get dressed!, Boo Hoo Boo Boo, Daddy, Papa, and Me, Mommy, Mama, and Me, When Santa Was A Baby, Dusk, Full, Full, Full of Love, Minnie Maloney and Macaroni, Don’t Feed The Bear, The Five of Us, Sex Is A Funny Word, Dad By My Side, Diana Dances (transparency: Annick Press sent me a free copy of this for review)
Those Shoes and Julián Is a Mermaid both love their fat grandmothers, but Juliá’s Abuela owns it in her wisdom (with more fat characters celebrating their bodies in the background.) It’s worth mentioning that while this book is super sweet and affirming, there are some issues with how Love, a white allocishet author appropriated and whitewashed the experience of a Dominican child of color.
Ages 1+
Ages 1+
Ages 4+
Ages 1+
Ages 1-4
Ages 3+
Ages 4.5+
Ages 1+
Ages 4+
Ages 3.5+
Ages 3.5+
Ages 3.5+
Ages 6+
Ages 2.5+
Ages 4+
You might also like Cultivating Healthy Boundaries – Helping Kids Understand Sex
Navigating Body Comparisons – Validating Stories For Kids of Size
‘Minnie & Max Are OK!‘ features the journey of Minnie & Max as they compare their bodies negatively with others in a grass-is-greener situation, ultimately coming to a place of self-acceptance. ‘How To Be Comfortable In Your Own Feathers‘ is didactic and ham-fisted, but addresses body dysmorphia (anorexia) and gives parents a place to start discussions for kids navigating eating disorders (so it’s not for everyone). See Maura’s awesome analysis of ‘Amanda’s Big Dream‘ below in the comments.
Ages 4.5+
[Eating Disorders]
Ages 4.5+
Celebrate Kick-Ass Women of Size In History
I get that having a book about food in this post borders on stereotyping, but bear with me, Pies From Nowhere (Georgiea Gilmore) is awesome. And while we’re at it, Voice of Freedom (Fannie Lou Hamer) is also awesome.
Perhaps you noticed we’re only including Black women in this list. I focus on women of color (primarily Black women) in my research since women’s history kidlit leans White and ignores other people of color entirely. But if I’ll add more folks as I find them.
Ages 7+
Ages 9+
You might also like: Black Women In American History: Kidlit Without White Saviors
Recognize anti-fat tropes in stories
SO MANY BOOKS center on skinny characters learning to treat fat people with respect only have they’ve ‘earned’ it by going above and beyond to prove their humanity.
SO MANY BOOKS offer the only path to humanity and acceptance though diet and exercise. Bootstraps!
SO MANY BOOKS end with parents beaming at their successfully down-sized child, who is now worthy of love and affection because they starved themselves thin.
SO MANY BOOKS with fat, happy, confident characters who are depicted as pigs, elephants, and cows surrounded by smaller animals who make fun of them. Seriously, with those old stereotypes? Is drawing a portly giraffe or fluffy meerkat so hard?
WE ARE NOT HAVING IT.
Problematic (And Common) Story Devices To Avoid
- ‘My Friend Maggie‘ – this is by far the most detestable of the list, and I hate it.
The bulk of the book subjects Maggie to humiliating illustrations as she falls off playground equipment, sucks at hide-and-seek, and is the butt of the maker’s jokes. The protagonist insists she likes Maggie ‘despite’ these ‘flaws’ which is some nonsense thin-supremacy logic.
Later, Maggie proves her value by forgiving the protagonist for being an asshat, proving that fat people must go above-and-beyond in order to be treated with basic human dignity. - Oh wait I just found ‘I Get So Hungry‘ and it’s a decent runner-up for most-hated. In it, we learn that being fat is simply caused by laziness, and that by going on a diet and exercising a little, you can earn dignity and self-respect. OH FOR FUCKS SAKE.
- ‘The Runaway Wok‘s has an unnecessary depiction of ‘Chubby Lan’ to depict his greed and laziness:
“Without bothering to find the owner, the chubby boy grabbed the wok…Finally his weak arms grew tired and he headed home.” “Chubby Lan couldn’t make it very far without losing his breath”
- ‘Maggie Goes On A Diet‘ portrays an undignified Maggie shoving food into her face with her head in the fridge, implies fatness is the result of mental issues, and glorifies fat-miserable-before and skinny-happy-after. The maker puts the onus of her bullying on Maggie – she changes, not her bullies.
- ‘Hooway For Wodney Wat‘s bully is an aggressive, ignorant, fat Camilla Capybara insisting “I’m bigger than any of you. I’m meaner than any of you, And I’m smarter than any of you. So there,” perpetuating an aggressive fat bully trope.
- ‘Harry Potter‘ I love Harry Potter – but we need to discuss how every fat character is evil, lazy, or incompetent. (Neville becomes a bad-ass only after slimming down.)
- ‘I Like Myself‘ – I mostly like this story despite it’s many problems (the makers are ignorant of both race and weight stereotypes). However, the idea that she likes herself ‘even if‘ she’s fat implies that weight correlates with worth, and that’s an insidious message our kids can do without.
- Fun In The Sun uses fat bodies as objects for laughs. Throwing fat bodies into a silly story for a chuckle – explicitly because illustrators find the concept of fatness, and fat people, here for a thin-person’s entertainment, is lazy. Work harder on better writing and illustrations and makers won’t have to feed into this dehumanizing, objectifying stereotype.
- ‘Fire Engine‘ features a fat character who busts through a metal wall to eat all the cupcakes and snacks intended for his coworker’s party. Seriously.
- ‘Bear’s Big Bottom‘ is a compilation of all the things Bear fucks up because he has a large ass. No thank you.
- ‘Flabby Cat and Slobby Dog‘ That cover. Also every single other thing about this book.
- ‘Clorinda‘ tries – but ultimately fails. She makes it into a big production as a dancer despite everyone telling her she’s too big (she’s a cow) – but quits and goes home when she realizes she’s so large her partner can’t hold her weight without being crushed. In contrast – ‘Brontorina’ (listed above) solves this issue in an obvious way with a minimum of fuss.
- ‘Bare Naked Book‘ is just one of hundreds of examples promoting body-positivity while completely erasing fat folks from the picture.
- ‘Is Mommy?‘ is a wretched, negative smoking pile of crap of a book ripping apart moms, but the icing on the cake is the line “Is mommy fat?” with the general understanding that ‘fat’ is a very bad thing. BTW: Yes she is! (Mommy is also apparently short, boring, ugly, and mean.)
- See also: Pretty much every book with a fat character.
Listen to Body Acceptance & Fat Liberation Leaders
“When my body gets smaller, it is still me. When my body gets bigger, it is still me. There is not a thin woman inside me, awaiting excavation.”
– Lindy West, from ‘Shrill‘
Again – I’m not fat, so place is to signal boost and get you guys hip to the concept so you can learn more. This post should not the end & all of your education on fat liberation. Read more by Lindy West, Roxanne Gay, Samantha Irby, and other Acivists and writers who fight for acceptance.
Adults
Adults
More Resources
- Fat Liberation Manifesto
- Fat-Positive Representation For Kids (by BFL reader Sasha Harris-Cronin!)
Stay Curious, Stand Courageous & Take Up Space
Support these resources via Paypal | Venmo | Ko-fi | Buy a t-shirt | Buy a book
[Image description: Table of Contents from Sex Is A Funny Word, by Cory Silverberg & Fiona Smyth. Topics include ‘What is sex?,’ ‘Learning About Bodies,’ ‘Boys, Girls, And The Rest Of Us,’ ‘Touch,’ ‘Talking About Sex,’ and ‘Crushes, Love, And Relationships.’]
Not sure how to explain sexuality with your kids? If you’re looking for inclusive, age-appropriate books to talk about sexuality and non-reproductive sex, you’ve arrived at the right place.
MORE IN THIS SERIES
First Talks About Body Boundaries
Raising Luminaries is free and accessible for readers who can’t afford a paywall. Posts may contain affiliate links, which allow me to earn a commission at no extra cost to you. Check out the full affiliate disclosure along with my statement of accountability.
203: Talking About Sex Beyond Reproduction
Open, honest discussions start early
Sex for fun! Masturbation! Human Rights For Sex Workers!
Now that I’ve scared off all the squeamish readers, let’s teach our kids how to have a healthy, sex-positive relationship with themselves and others.
Assuming we can keep kids sheltered from the existence of healthy, recreational sex is silly. Around 6 (give or take many years), it’s normal and healthy for kids to get curious and excited about sexual feelings, masturbation, and learning about others.
Be open, honest, and direct from the very beginning
Refusing to talk about sex, particularly the exciting parts of it, sets our kids up to feel ashamed of their experiences and their curiosity. Staying silent also opens them up to be exploited and abused (or become abusers) because they don’t know how to set healthy boundaries.
You Might Also Like: 6 Mistakes We Make Raising Sons – Preventing Sexual Assault
Books For Littles(BFL) is free and accessible for readers who can’t afford a paywall. Posts may contain affiliate links, which allow me to earn a commission at no extra cost to you. Check out the full affiliate disclosure along with the BFL statement of accountability.
Ages 5.5+
Top Pick – If you read only one book, make it this one.
Sex Is A Funny Word
This mostly flies over my 4-year-old’s head, but for my 6-year-old, it’s a wonderful resource introducing curiosity, sexuality, and masturbation in a sex-positive way.
The Little Earthquakes already know about sexual reproduction, but we need to discuss what healthy sex looks like. From playground talk, media ads, and natural biological curiosity – they’ll realize that sex isn’t solely for reproduction even if we refuse to talk about it.
My 6-year-old needs to know that his curiosity is normal and healthy, and what is acceptable and unacceptable when it comes to how we treat ourselves and others.
This book discusses gender beyond a binary, acknowledges that all people – including people of color, people with disabilities, and the elderly, have desires & sexual identities.
It also directly and honestly addresses sexual abuse and consent – something all kids need to know as they head into elementary school – the age of sleepovers, playing ‘doctor,’ and staying in the care of adults outside their security network.
Ages 6+
Most Thorough For Exploring Sexual Identity
A Kid’s First Book About Sex
+ Workbook: The PlayBook For Kids About Sex
This one is a little tough to find (it’s no longer in print) and could use a second-edition. BUT! If you’re looking for a book that takes you step-by-step into discussing sexuality, masturbation, and sex for pleasure, this is the most direct, unapologetic book about sex for prepubescent kids you’ll ever find.
Printed in the early 80’s, these books erase intersex and trans kids and assume a gender binary, with statements such as, “Every boy has a penis and every girl has a clitoris.” This is outdated and false.
Despite that – this considerate steps to clearly and simply provoke self-reflection and acceptance is awesome and helps kids sort out their curiosity and feelings, encouraging them to discuss what they’re thinking about with a safe adult to figure out what feels right to them.
Ages 8+
Best For Survivors With A History Of Sexual Abuse
Tell Me About Sex, Grandma
This book is very different from the other books listed in this post. It’s full of metaphor, and it’s vague. To quote from the publisher description, “The dialogue focuses on the dynamics of sex, rather than the mechanics.”
I am autistic, and the Earthquakes are both under 7. We need concrete clarity – so it’s not for us. But I’m really glad it exists. Higginbotham’s work is innovative and I love her other books.
The broad metaphor is by design – this book gives survivors of sexual abuse a gentle way to discuss non-reproductive sex with kids, without specifics that could make that discussion too painful.
For older kids and neurotypical families (if you don’t know what ‘neurotypical’ means, it means you), particularly ones who aren’t comfortable using language on anatomy, naming orgasms and lust, that sort of thing – this is a great book to start with.
You Might Also Like: Love Is Love Is Love – Kids Books With Diverse Family Constellations
Grownups Only
Best For Older Teens & Adults
Drawn To Sex: The Basics
If you’re teaching your kids about sex, it’s probably a good idea to brush up on your own misunderstandings and biases first.
The authors of the web comic Oh Joy Sex Toy have compiled all the sex education 101 resources they’ve created over the years (plus other new stuff) into a 3-book series that publishes in November 2018.
This will probably have some problematic issues – but the makers have consistently remained open to criticism and learning, plus they actively boost the voices of marginalized artists, promote fat liberation, body acceptance, disability visibility, and LGBTQ+ issues. This is the comic for everyone who has been raised to feel ashamed of their body and sexuality (so basically, everyone.)
Maybe don’t.
Problematic & Overdue For A New Edition (2014 Edition Not Recommended)
It’s Perfectly Normal
This is the standard classic book on puberty and body changes for kids. The trouble is that it fosters the illusion of being inclusive without actually including the voices of intersex, nonbinary, and trans folks.
It’s a big book with a LOT of problems, including the willful misgendering of trans folks, and it’s time to either update it to be more inclusive, or retire it.
We are happy retiring it – there are way better options above. Unlike the problematic erasure of nonbinary and intersex kids in A Kid’s First Book About Sex, in which the 80’s publication just doesn’t even realize that these kids are normal, this one casually misgenders trans kids and insists on talking about them, without them. If you’ve read my series on non-disabled people writing books about disability, you know how I feel about this. With the maker’s reputation as an inclusive author, they should have known better for the 2014 edition.
Something To Keep In Mind
How Mamas Love Their Babies
This isn’t a sex education book, but this topic should be on your radar.
I’m not saying you need to start discussing the tricky situation of decriminalizing the exploitative sex industry while protecting sex worker’s human rights…but…maybe just teach them that sex workers are people?
While the text doesn’t mention sex work, the author explains that mamas sometimes wear uniforms (from baggy to tight, like a scuba diver’s) and some mamas dance, with images showing platform shoes and a stripper pole, and on a later page, a hotel bed.
This is amazing – because many mamas do have to/choose to support their babies with a career in the sex industry, and these women deserve the same credit for the hard work they do caring for their children.
They ALSO deserve access to the same healthcare, education, worker’s rights, and safety my family has access to – something they’re not going to get if we insist they stay invisible.
Feminists should support decriminalizing sex work. Here’s why.
Stay Curious, Stand Brave & Foster Shame-Free Sexuality
[Image: Interior illustration from ‘Clive And His Babies’ by Jessica Spanyol, featuring two male-presenting children gently nurturing their baby dolls.]
In this post: Children’s books celebrating nurturing fathers
[Image description: Illustration from What Makes A Baby, by Cory Silverberg & Fiona Smyth. A developing fetus at 7, 12, and 38 weeks gestation.]
Not sure how to explain where babies come from? If you’re looking for inclusive, age-appropriate books to talk about reproduction that include all family constellations, these are the ones you’re searching for.
MORE IN THIS SERIES
First Talks About Body Boundaries
Raising Luminaries is free and accessible for readers who can’t afford a paywall. Posts may contain affiliate links, which allow me to earn a commission at no extra cost to you. Check out the full affiliate disclosure along with my statement of accountability.
202: Where Babies Come From
Open, honest discussions start early
Oh, hello there, Squeamish Parent!
If you are choosing to wait until your kids hit puberty to discuss sex with your kids, that’s cool.
For our family, it’s easier to discuss the internal mechanics right now. It was easier to answer my sons’ questions about lumpy, oddly-behaving body parts and calm fears about ‘getting accidentally pregnant.’
When our eldest was around 20 months old, we stated preparing him for the birth of his little brother. We watched youtube home-births, looked at images of fetuses as his brother grew, talked what it was like when he was in my tummy (and the years of medical intervention it took to get him there).
We discussed how some kids live in tummies of surrogates, first parents, trans dads, and the how all families are real families.
At one-and-a-half, he was old enough to understand human reproduction, without any of the awkwardness that comes from discussing sex with an older child.
I was surprised how easy it is to talk about sex, when we start from a framework of healthy human biology. But it was still hard to find books on this topic for kids this young. (Which is ridiculous – why wait until our kids have started having unsafe sex or being molested to finally teach them about it!?)
Most books were too complex, skirted around sex unnecessarily, and created the illusion that our cishet, two-parent family was the only way families were built. I want my kids to understand that there are many different types of family constellations.
The ways we build our families are diverse, unique, and can be a bittersweet mix of trial and hope that passes beyond biology.
Be open, honest, and direct from the very beginning
We teach the Earthquakes to challenge us if we try to use our parental authority as a shortcut – to never accept ‘Because I said so‘ as a final answer. We answer with unvarnished truth when they ask us hard questions about death, injustice, and sex, even when they’re little – so they can trust me in ten years, when our relationship gets shakier.
Pick the right book for your level of squeamishness below. No judgement – everyone takes on what we can handle, and sometimes our own history with sex can make this a really scary conversation. If you’re not ready for these books yet, check out our basic books on anatomy and body awareness, then come back here.
Raising Luminaries is free and accessible for readers who can’t afford a paywall. Posts may contain affiliate links, which allow me to earn a commission at no extra cost to you. Check out the full affiliate disclosure along with my statement of accountability. If you’re into supporting libraries (please do!) more than consumerism, you can also support my work directly:
Donate or shop using an affiliate link via| Paypal | Venmo | Ko-fi | Buy a t-shirt | Buy a book
You Might Also Like: Love Is Love Is Love – Diverse Family Constellations In Kids Books
Being Born
The Little Earthquakes’ Top Pick (with reservations.) Ages 1+
While pregnant with R2, Q and I used to pore over the images of Being Born in concert with R2’s development. Being able to ‘see’ his brother’s development beyond grainy ultrasound images (which meant nothing to him) allowed Q to start bonding with R2 and gave him extra time to identify us parents as a shared resource.
This is our favorite because it features the most realistic images (photographs) and straightforward language to give kids a sense of what a developing embryo and fetus looks like. Both my kids LOVE it and ask for it regularly.
But it’s not representative of all family constellations, presuming the reader is the biological, naturally conceived child of a cishet couple. You can skip over the text and just follow the amazing images, but be prepared to clarify this isn’t the way all babies are made.
Specifically, it was just this one line: “Your father’s penis became hard so that it could slip into your mother’s vagina, a soft opening between her legs.” That was hard to read the first time aloud, but my kids didn’t even blink. (Although it wasn’t true for our test-tube baby.) It sure is a great way to quickly rip off the band aid and explain how some families get the sperm to the egg.
For a much lengthier book with way more images for older kids, check out A Child Is Born, by the same photographer. I always get the two mixed up because of the similar names, but Being Born is the one you want for very young kids.
Ages 1-4
What Makes A Baby
Most inclusive for adoptive, LGBTQ, intersex, surgical birth families and squeamish parents
If you’re into the phrase “The Egg tell the sperm all the stories it has to tell about the body it came from. And the sperm tells the egg all the stories it has to tell about the body it came from.”…then this book might be for you.
What Makes A Baby uses a trippy combination of metaphor and story that doesn’t quite work for our literal family. I like accurate illustrations and photographs for science-based books, over a surreal egg illustration full of puppet theaters and trees.
What I do like about the book is that the author took care to be trans, nonbinary & intersex inclusive, and it works for adoptive families. Success on that is subjective, as some trans folks find it ‘sanitized’ (which is true) and others laud it for leaving out the ‘mommy & daddy’ terminology that excludes so many LGBTQ+ families (which is nonsense).
It was also nice to have a book that we didn’t have to include caveats for – since we used fertility treatments to conceive Q, he was born via cesarean, and we had to rely on donor milk. It showed him he’s not alone or particularly weird in this experience, and he was excited to see his journey reflected and validated.
Ages 3+
Where Willy Went
For SUPER squeamish, poetic parents
For those of you EVEN MORE squeamish and poetic, you might like Where Willy Went – taking even more leaps into metaphor with cute illustrations of goggle-clad sperm and testicle classrooms. Illustrations of the female reproductive system were simplistic to the point of actively confusing my kids.
Also fair warning – ‘Willy’ the sperm is bad at math, and the girl he eventually becomes also turns out bad at math. I think we have enough girls-can’t-do-math stereotypes out there already, thank you very much. So maybe leave that part out.
Maybe Don’t.
It’s Not The Stork
Not recommended (until they update it to remove trans misgendering)
I’m adding this to the list even though I don’t recommend it – because I know you’re going to check it out anyway because this series is the classic go-to for sex education and it looks so inclusive.
If you must – I’d skim through it with kids over 3. It’s a painful read aloud – wordy and overly detailed (not educational detail, just jokes and fluff and filler). It’s didactic, all over the place, and looong, but the Earthquakes did enjoy it.
I wouldn’t just hand it to a kid or teen and let them read it on their own. Harris tries to be inclusive for lesbian, gay, adoptive, and multiracial family constellations, but it sure doesn’t seem like she ran this by trans & nonbinary folks. She tends to misgender trans folks and talks about them like an aberration – and completely leaves out people who don’t fall within a gender binary.
This wouldn’t be such a big deal if this series wasn’t heralded as the gold standard. We need higher standards.
Stay Curious, Stand Brave & Tell Your Kids The Truth
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[Image description: Cover of ‘My Amazing Body’ by Martin & Sanders.]
If you’re looking for resources to help you start talking about hard topics like sex, LGBTQ+ rights, and consent with very young children – but are still super uncomfortable and not sure where to start – this is the place for you.
MORE IN THIS SERIES
First Talks About Body Boundaries
Raising Luminaries is free and accessible for readers who can’t afford a paywall. Posts may contain affiliate links, which allow me to earn a commission at no extra cost to you. Check out the full affiliate disclosure along with my statement of accountability.
101: Body Awareness For Kids
Starting to talk about Anatomy for Squeamish Parents
The single most effective way to protect our kids against sexual assault is to give them an accurate, honest way to talk with you before something happens.
If you’re still at the squeamish stage – no worries, let’s meet you where you’re at. More touchy subjects – like reproduction, sex for fun, and LGBTQ+ issues will be way easier if we start here. So for now, let’s start with anatomy.
Basic Anatomy For Squeamish Parents
When we refuse to talk about something, our kids pick up on that. Kids form their own opinions on the ‘wrongness’ of the things we won’t name.
When we refuse to acknowledge race, we create a stigma against people of color. When we refuse to label body parts what they are – kids pick up on that to. They form opinions on the way bodies ‘should’ be – which bodies are acceptable, and which bodies are ‘wrong.’
When we choose to protect the ‘innocence’ of kids – we’re forcing them into obliviousness. That’s puts our kids (and their future partners/victims) at risk.
Know that that there is a danger to reading only beginner books on anatomy without addressing sex, gender, and other hard topics.
Unfortunately none of these books include intersex or trans-inclusive language but* I’ve connected with Maris Wicks (author of Human Body Theater) and she’s eager to add inclusive language in the next edition of her book. Sometimes, all it takes is writing an email to an author and asking them to consider it!
*2021 Update: See below for my raving delight at the newest edition of The Bare Naked Book – which is explicitly both trans and intersex inclusive.
For those of you JUST starting out with a 1-2 year old, if you don’t want to go anywhere near discussions on genitals, these are the best (if problematic) beginner anatomy books. All of these are body-positive, but foster the idea of a gender binary, and erase the existence of trans, nonbinary, and intersex kids. These are very basic, mainstream books that feed into the myth of a gender binary and that genitals=gender.
My kids loved these, but they were just the beginning of our conversation. You are not allowed to stop here. I’ll be replacing these once I find more inclusive books on basic anatomy.
I Love You, Nose! I Love You, Toes!, How The Body Works, Little Explorers: My Amazing Body (genitals mentioned), Human Body Theater (binary & gendered reproductive system discussed)
Ages 1.5+
Ages 1.5+
Ages 2+
Ages 5+
Body Awareness For Squeamish Parents
Once we have a basic understanding that fingers and toes exist and are a part of the meat bag that consists of ‘me,’ it’s time to learn how we use our bodies to interact with the outside world. Again – these are very safe, mild books that even the most squeamish conservative parent can read without flinching. Baby steps – we’re focusing on senses.
I’ll update this once we get more accurate and inclusive books. My kids loved these books to learn about body awareness, but none of these mention proprioception (there are more than 5 senses), or how folks with physical disabilities move through the world. Sigh.
Horns to toes & in between, Kevin’s Big Book of The Five Senses, Shake a Leg, The Busy Body Book
Ages 6m-3y
Ages 2-3.5
Ages 1-3
Ages 3-7
Anatomy For Inclusive Families
ALL THE AGES
UPDATE! Annick Press sent me a free review copy of the latest edition of the Bare Naked Book – and I CAN DIE HAPPY AND RETIRE NOW.
While I had left the first edition out of this collection because it skewed thin, whiter, cis, and non-disabled, the latest edition is updated and fantastic. We’ve got a range of body sizes, ethnicities, races, disabilities, limb differences, gender ambiguous, and even externally intersex kids and folks who have had top surgery. YES! YES MORE PLEASE!
Got it? Don’t stop here. Kids need to understand that people come in all shapes and sizes – and all deserve respect, rights, and kindness.
Next Up: Inclusive Kids Books For Body Acceptance
Stay Curious, Stand Brave & Shake That Booty
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Sharing this post on social media? Use this image description to make it accessible. [Image description: Illustration from ‘Jimmy Zangwow’s Out-of-This-World Moon-Pie Adventure’ by Tony DiTerlizzi. Jimmy stands in the kitchen and looks up at his mother, whose head is cut out of the frame. Mom addresses Jimmy wearing a dress, house slippers, an oven mit, and wields a wooden spoon dripping with green glop.’]
Jimmy Zangwow’s Out-Of-This-World Moon-Pie Adventure
Picture Book, Best for (exposing sexism & erasure with) kiddos 2.5+
Keep Raising Luminaries & Books for Littles free and accessible for readers who can’t afford a paywall.
Posts may contain affiliate links, which allow me to earn a commission at no extra cost to you. Check out the full affiliate disclosure along with my statement of accountability. If you’re into supporting libraries (please do!) more than consumerism, you can also support my work directly:
Donate or shop using an affiliate link via| Paypal | Venmo | Ko-fi | Buy a t-shirt | Buy a book
If we’re not looking closely, this seems like a fantastic adventure
With a tiny bit of a fright and suspense (easily tempered with a silly voice for the ‘monster’ who turns out to be a nice guy) and some great elements of sharing and playing make-pretend.
The only downside is out of 1003 characters – there’s only a single, faceless woman
And it’s Jimmy’s mom, who appears from the shoulders down only, in the kitchen, wearing an apron and house slippers.
This book was written in 2000 and it’s a great example of fun adventure romps that forget that kids of all genders like to see themselves reflected in whimsical adventures. And to see that women have roles outside of motherhood.
Question: Do you read as many children’s books normalizing girls of color as you do that feature white dudes?
Parenting is Praxis
For a lack of fun adventures with a diverse cast, we read this book together when Q was little – before we were able to find the tiny handful of books featuring trans and gender-fluid characters.
I cobbled a quick-fix with this with replacing ‘Jimmy‘ with ‘Janey,’ asserting that Janey was gender creative.
But gosh, after reading thousands of adventure stories filled with daring white boys, am I sick of having to edit on the fly as I read. Eventually, we just donated the book. It’s exhausting to do all those mental gymnastics. That kind of emotional labor – trying to insert ourselves back into a world that pretends we don’t exist – it’s draining.
I still haven’t found anything quite like Jimmy Zangwow that grabs such a sense of adventure and absurdity.
We’ve had an explosion of books featuring girls of color in the last few years. A small cohort of protagonists who are almost overwhelmingly Black girls with light skin and tightly regulated hair. Almost entirely written by white authors, pages filled by white illustrators.
Many of them are great! But there’s always something underneath them – a lesson on the scientific method, mindfulness, patience, the gift of rich melanation. I can’t think of any books featuring girls of color who just do whimsical shit like fly to the moon in a DIY jalopy.
You might like: Understanding the gender spectrum with kids books
This is your go-to book for…
- Showing kids the role of erasure in normalized oppression
I repeat – ONE THOUSAND AND THREE CHARACTERS, and only one of them is a faceless woman, slipper-footed in the damn kitchen, and she didn’t even get the dignity of having the back of her head in the frame. - Talking about sharing & sacrifice
There is a nice little element in here where Jimmy gives up his cookie for others. - Discussing sexism – who’s role is it to get dinner on the damn table?
Mom’s got a full stove on and it looks like she’s barely keeping it together. Why isn’t Jimmy helping out?
I’d read this in rotation along with…
Any damn book where everybody is white, abled, thin, young, straight, comfortably wealthy, etc. Really all you need to do is pick up the closest book and ask your kids – who is missing?
You might also like: Are you complicit in the white supremacy of kids’ literature? Understanding & Subverting Gatekeeping with Zetta Elliott
Is this #OwnVoices?
Author & Illustrator: Tony DiTerlizzi (he/him)
Sure. At least he’s not trying to be something he’s not. And unlike many white authors who have tried to make a half-assed attempt at diverse inclusion, at least he’s consistent. DiTerlizzi’s picture book universe consists of, and revolves around, white boys. A supremacist utopia where anyone else is just an accessory or an obstacle.
He’s even got an enticing story about victim-blaming, where a daffy lady fly (a uniquely feminine trope of being both oblivious and delicate) falls into the trap of a nefarious master-manipulator spider. The story is engaging, suspenseful, and fun to read! Except for that pesky message.
If she didn’t want to get eaten, she shouldn’t politely accepted an invitation from a neighbor, talk to or make friends with men, ever be alone with a man, or hesitate to say ‘Stop. I’m getting uncomfortable, I’m leaving now.’
Or just like, I dunno – put the responsibility on a man not to attack a woman just ’cause she exists, and he can?
She should have stayed in her own damn kitchen! How dare that lady fly fulfill all of the social training women are are pressured to do so she can stay in our society, and then get killed for it! What a dippy dame. ( <- Sarcasm.)
I emailed him to ask (very nicely!) about why he doesn’t include women in his books, years ago. He didn’t reply.
Learn more about #OwnVoices, coined by Corinne Duyvis.
How we calculate the overall awesomeness score of books.
You might also like: Kids Stories Honoring Single Mothers
Transparency & Cahoots!
I purchased a used copy of this book a long time ago, and then donated it to our local library when we were done (which we also support with donations). We screened it with my kiddos roughly at ages 2-3. This post was originally on the BFL Facebook group (now retired) in 12/20/2014.
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